Prehistoric Sea Creatures
by Wendish
Summary: A series of vignettes that follows B&B through their first Christmas and New Year's as a married couple
1. Chapter 1: Mount Rainier

_Created December 2013 - ____I don't own these characters or the words made famous by the TV show, Bones. Love them anyway. All the rest that follows is my feeble attempt to keep time in between broadcasts and Razztaztic, Threesquares, and Covalent Bond postings._

12/29/2013 A/N: Happy Every Holiday to Everyone! More narrowly to my everyday peeps – Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Belated Solstice and Happy New Year to you!

I'm going to apologize in advance for this story. The title has nothing to do with the story itself. It's based upon a chat I had a while back with Covalent Bond about writing with the best of intention, but fearing that what is produced is less appealing than (S9 spoiler alert!) rangle. This of course will never happen to Covalent Bond, as she is a brilliant and thoughtful author, and we are all better students and fans of the show as a result of her rich stories.

Meanwhile, I find myself stuck with a story that strikes me as the equivalent of "prehistoric sea creatures" (the description used in the Pilot episode to describe diatomaceous earth): it seemed like a clever idea, but in hindsight, it's just plain silly. Lots of imagery, lots of idioms, lots of stream of Booth consciousness, random musical references will come (in this chapter, I give you a hint of Bob Dylan). I have to release though, otherwise I'll never be able to focus on Collide's finale.

Truth be told, I'm out of practice. Sick relatives in the hospital and a year end family wedding have blown my writing rhythm out of whack. So yes, I know! Christmas has come and past. But let the record reflect that this series of vignettes (and its completion) both have a New Year's Eve end date.

...Why do I feel like Hugh Grant as I write this? Oh well! Please forgive!

* * *

**TWO WEEKS BEFORE XMAS**

"You're **_home_**." He stated definitively, and with irritation. Checking his watch, it was five minutes to six o'clock. "Are you feeling OK?"

"Yes. I feel fine." She answered distractedly. "I _have_ arrived home before you on many occasions, you know."

_Oh yeah, name the last time._

"Yeah, if you are sick, Bones." He quipped. "As rare as that is…."

_She should have called. _

"Bones, you have to **_tell_** me when you decide to pick up Christine from day care, off-schedule." He entreated as he stormed back to his SUV.

It was Wednesday.

When not on a case,** _he_** was responsible to pick up Christine from Jeffersonian day care on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. They had agreed to this specifically to give her extra time at the Jeffersonian to play with bones, do research, grade papers, write or whatever. On occasion, Booth and Christine would join her at the office while she worked. But mostly, Booth saw this as a great way to give his darling overachieving genius the time and space to do whatever nerdplay that she wanted. And (though he would never utter these words to her), to keep her tethered to a clock and calendar abided by normal humans.

"Do you know what the traffic's like on Constitution Ave right now?**_ I do!_** I just had to sit through it to get here! And now, Dr. Cinders thinks that you ran off with Christine again because I didn't know that you were picking her up!" He slammed the car door shut angrily. Before starting the car, he took a moment to catch his breath. He needed to calm the Hell down.

Booth perched his left elbow against the window frame in a futile attempt to massage away his oncoming headache. Were he honest with himself - **_that _**thought – the thought that Brennan had left with Christine again - had crossed his mind as well. While he had absolute faith in his wife, he experienced that fear of losing her, of losing them, more often than he would ever tell her. Compliments of his father, he never escaped the doubt that anything good in his life would last.

"Babe, you have to be more considerate, _please_ _Bones_."

"Yes, Booth. I apologize." She delivered. "I understand that my actions have consequences that may impact you. It was short-sighted of me not to communicate with you that I had changed my plans to return home early with Christine."

He sighed dejectedly as he pulled out of the parking garage. He was way too familiar with _that I-know-what-you-want-me-to-say-so-I'll-say-it-so-that-you'll-let-me-get-on-with-my-life_ tone. He could have predicted her indifference to his frustration. She was uniquely horrible at discerning distinct vocal inflections that informed any range of emotion during a phone call. While her in-person interpersonal skills had advanced tremendously over the years, her ability of detecting verbal cues via the phone…well, it was still crap.

Seeley Booth's heart belonged to an absent-minded professor and there was nothing to be done about it. He would have to confront her directly in order to convey his dissatisfaction. And, fuck all, with this traffic, it would take at least a good thirty minutes to get home now, further cutting into his precious time with his Baby Girl.

Truth be told, his agitation was only partly due to his unnecessary trip to the Jeffersonian. Parker and Rebecca had called earlier to ask Booth's permission to stay in England until the day after Christmas. Rebecca (not Parker) had told Booth that Sarah – Parker's first "proper girlfriend" – and her family had invited them both over to theirs for Christmas supper.

While it warmed his heart that his son was growing up, to Booth, it was the final straw to ruin Christmas. His big hopes plans for his first real family Christmas were scuttled. Now, Parker wouldn't arrive in the States until late on the 26th. Pops was already committed to the holiday with Padme and Jared. Mom and Reggie were doing a set of shows over the holidays that had been booked for months. With Dr. Goetz out of the country for the year, Hayley was under care of a colleague of Cam's at the Mayo Clinic, and so Russ, Amy and the girls had moved to Minnesota. Knowing that Russ would be reluctant to travel with Hayley still in a precarious state, Max had planned on spending Christmas with his son, his family and their cousin Margaret.

As it stood, the only Christmas "family" besides Bones and Christine this year would be Sweets. Not that they weren't more than enough family, but Booth had been looking forward to celebrating this milestone – his first Christmas with his new bride, and their whole family. He wanted to show them off and create new traditions for them. For all that they had been through, they were in such a good place.

_Or they would be_, after he lectured her when he got home.

"We – I. You. No, I - received…a package from Padme and Jared." She continued. "It's…confusing."

Booth sighed again, tightly gripping the steering column as he inched forward in the otherwise standstill traffic.

_Jared. _

Not so long ago, Booth and his little brother had been on the right path to a solid, filial friendship, but it had essentially flatlined when Booth and Brennan became a couple.

The parting between the brothers had begun when Jared questioned Booth's decision to return to military action, and then peaked with a smug "I told you so" victory when Jared challenged what he considered to be Booth's insanity of choosing Hannah over Brennan.

And though while the tension of both of these issues had eased, one lingering issue stuck in Booth's craw – Bones and Jared.

Very early in their coupling, Brennan had finally admitted to Booth that yes, Agent Andy Lister was modeled after him. Yet with his elation at her reveal also came paranoia about some of the other characters from her novels, specifically Andy's brother, Ryan.

Given the thinly veiled, semi-autobiographical line that Brennan walked with her stories, Booth was none too amused by the repeated references to Kathy Reichs's affair with Ryan The Scoundrel, Andy's younger brother.

Whatever happened between them, Booth understood that he shouldn't be jealous – Temperance Brennan was his and only his, and proved it to him as often their schedule allowed. Besides, Seeley was more than aware that he and Jared had overlapping dance cards from their youthful Philly days.

But the fact that neither his wife nor his brother ever spoke about their evening and morning together – ever – served as the foundation of his animus. Booth was convinced that if something _had_ happened, it would have been in Jared's nature to boast and Bones' to disclose.

….Unless, _something_ had happened, and both regretted it, and vowed to never speak of it again.

Neither Bones nor Jared ever made a peep, and it had _killed_ Booth. Compounding his unease was Jared's seemingly self-imposed exile at the news that the partners had finally become a couple.

_Ugh_, the thought of asking either of them about it made him sick to his stomach. If he queried, he knew that Bones would be honest with him. But that was the problem, she'd be really honest, and explicit.

In the end, Booth had concluded that he was perfectly fine not having a close relationship with his little brother.

He had Sweets after all.

But their separate lives meant that they had to share a custody schedule with Pops and Marianne. And Jared "won" Christmas this year.

He gritted his teeth, shaking his head as if to erase his thoughts of Bones and Jared. "What's confusing?"

Brennan examined the package. "Well, there's a card that says 'Merry Christmas Seeley'. But the box clearly states 'Temperance, open immediately'."

"Well maybe the card is for _me_, but the box is for _you_?" he offered with a tiny hint of sarcasm. Didn't matter, she didn't pick up on it.

"I don't believe so, the packaging clearly denotes that the gift is for you. I'm not sure which of us is supposed to open it."

He rolled his eyes, convinced that his wife was being unnecessarily exacting.

"Just open it Bones. We're a _couple_. What's mine is yours. I'm sure that Padme bought us something and left it up to Jared to do the signing and shipping and he failed miserably. He's flaky. I tell you that all the time…."

Brennan shook her shoulders at no one and replied. "Okaaaaay…." He listened as she placed the phone on speaker, and began to tear away at the package. "Did you speak with Parker and Rebecca?"

Booth tightened his jaw. _Of course_ Rebecca had called Bones first. These two women had become quite accomplished co-conspirators at "managing" him from two different time zones – Hell, two different continents.

"Yeah, about Parker staying in England until the 26th? You talked to Rebecca?"

"Yes." He could hear tissue paper being unwrapped. "We arranged for the change in Parker's transportation."

_She balks at opening a fucking Christmas gift for the both of us, but doesn't blink at making travel plans for my kids without consulting me…._

For the third sigh of their discussion, Booth implored "Bones, Parker's my son too, I really wish you would…"

"Oh!" she exclaimed.

Instantly, Booth went from annoyed to alert. "What? Are you okay? Is Christine okay?" checked his options for egress in case he needed to circumvent the traffic.

She chuckled. "Yes, Booth. I'm fine! I've just determined the strategy behind the packaging of Jared and Padme's gift to us. Heh!"

Booth exhaled. "Oh! Phew! You scared me there for a minute. So, what's the gift?"

Brennan looked at the clock. "Booth, Christine's completed her dinner. You'll be home soon. I'd like to get her bathed before you come home so that you can enjoy some time with her before we put her down for the night. We can discuss this later. I love you Booth. "

Feeling properly dismissed, he fumbled, "Huh? What? Oh….okay, I love you-"

CLICK

Again he gripped the steering wheel as with a force that would cut off its anthropomorphized oxygen supply.

_Dammit, she can be_ s_o. Fucking! Infuriating! _

_This woman that I love._

He stared at the completed call indicator on his Bluetooth dashboard.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Forty-two minutes. Forty-two minutes it had taken him to get home. Forty _fucking _two minutes to get eight miles. Entering through the kitchen, Booth tossed his coat and keys on one of the island stools and headed straight for the liquor cabinet.

Typically, he would wait until either he or Bones put Christine down to grab a glass of bourbon, but today was no ordinary day. It had been a thoroughly miserable day, in fact. A quick nip of a two-finger hit was in order. As his tongue held the first bite of the warm and woody elixir, he listened to the sounds of his wife and daughter from the baby monitor.

"I think that's your Daddy, Christine! Do you want to see your Dada?"

Booth's tension eased at the burst of excitement his name released from his little girl. "Dada home!"

Crummy disposition be damned, he couldn't help but chuckle as he called out. "Bones!"

"It _is_ Christine! It's your Dada!" her voice changed from Animated Mommy, to his partner "we're in Christine's room, Booth."

Booth chuckled again as he hopped over the downstairs gate, up the stairs and over the top gate. (With Christine walking now, their household had become a proverbial red light, green light game). Heading to his daughter's room, he met his wife in the hallway.

"Hey" he said. Conflicting emotions hit him. The first sight of Bones after a long day always soothed his soul, but given his annoyance with her, this time it also resurrected his earlier exasperation.

"Hi Booth." She greeted him with a warm kiss. Sensing his displeasure from his visage and the taste of bourbon on his lips, she diagnosed him. "You've had a bad day." One hand stroked his arm and the other toyed with the short hairs on the back of his Ivy League cut.

Halfheartedly, his hands traced her torso as he attempted to avoid her direct gaze. He was not yet ready to get into it with her. "Yeah, the worst." He cleared his throat. "You know what Bones? I just want to spend some time with _my_ daughter right now. I'm late _getting home_ and I could use a good BG fix right now."

Brennan barely hid the disappointment from her face. It pained her when he was frustrated, as she felt underqualified at mollifying him. "_Our_ daughter does have an unquantifiable skill at inciting joy. I'll leave you two alone." She headed towards the stairs. "I should check on dinner."

He sighed, knowing that he should apologize. "It uh, whatever it is, it smells great." He offered weakly instead. He entered Christine's bedroom relieved to find his baby daughter playing contentedly in her crib, and thrilled to see her Daddy.

* * *

Booth looked down at the sleeping angel on his chest and smiled. As prescribed, Christine was just the cure that he had needed to a bad day. The feel of her little heartbeat and her patterned breathing rejuvenated his spirit. He kissed the top of her sweet head before he got out of the rocker/recliner and put her in her crib.

Now he felt in a better place to check in with the woman who had given him this miracle. His perspective had softened significantly. _She was just trying to help_, he reasoned. He just needed to explain, to remind her – calmly – that they needed to work together on any decisions regarding the kids.

Stretching while he walked down the hall, his nostrils once again picked up the scent of one of his favorite meals – beef stew, and he knew Bones had prepared his mother's recipe.

After Seeley and Jared had moved in with Pops, Marianne would stop by two Sundays a month (while their father was busy at the shop) with a pot of stew, meatloaf or a casserole and spent the afternoon with her boys.

Though their time was limited together, the trio made the best of their Sunday afternoons. And on Sunday nights, Seeley would sleep with Jared in an effort to preempt the inevitable nightmares Jared would have about the fresh set of bruises that Marianne tried to hide from them.

Much to Hank's dismay and grave concern, Marianne stayed with Edwin for fear that he would kill her or himself if she tried to leave him – a fact that Seeley learned only recently. She knew her oldest son agonized at not being able to protect her during that time, and was even more worried when seventeen year old Seeley was tall, strong, and hotheaded enough to confront his father. Fearing her boy's future was in jeopardy if that happened, Marianne removed the risk and disappeared one Sunday night, leaving only Hank with the briefest of notice of her departure.

_"Never again" _he muttered to himself as he strolled down the hall.

He would _never _let another woman in his life be forced to run in fear of a man, himself included. In the end, he **_had_** killed to protect a violent threat to his family. And he hoped, he prayed, that Pelant - not the simmering rage he fought to control - was the final threat to that happiness.

His happiness. Parker, Christine.

_His Bones._

_God he loved her. _

And he was heading down the stairs to tell her so. Until….

Until.

Thinking that Brennan was in the kitchen, Booth performed his cursory security glance in his bedroom before heading down and was struck by the unexpected movement in his bedroom.

The movement, and the unexpected sight that caught his eye.

_What do we have here? _

His wife had her back to the door. She was leaning over a footstool, her leg raised on it as she adjusted the line of her stocking.

She was wearing silver thigh high stockings.

Stockings with the line up the back.

On a Wednesday.

This information would have been more than enough to stop him in his tracks, but there was more. He swallowed, bracing both hands on the bedroom door frame, silently mesmerized by the beguiling sight before him.

His wife was wearing a corset. A white corset lined with thin silver detailing at the top and bottom of it. Shiny silver grommets were threaded by a familiar weighted string that laced her up, into and out of the glossy material.

_PVC, _he thought. S_he would never wear leather._

The cool winter white of the corset complemented her ivory skin – still kissed with a little color from their honeymoon. The freckles on her shoulders peaked out from the wavy tendrils blanketing her back.

On her head, she wore what appeared to be a Santa hat, but in non-traditional colors – a black cap with white trim.

_What the Hell?_

He slipped full-on sniper into the room. She had yet to turn around and was still not yet aware of his presence, even as he sat on the edge of the bed watching her, staring. Most specifically, her ass had him love stoned.

Her bottom, which angled out towards him as she continued to adjust her hosiery and garters (Jesus Christ, she was in garters), completely unaware of his presence. On her rear, she wore very brief, black microfiber boy shorts. So _brief_ that her cheeks peeked – no, teased – out at him deliciously.

His pulse begin to throb.

_How does she do this to me every time?_

His twitching hands battled between propping him up on the bed to enjoy the show versus making the show interactive. He needed, wanted, to touch the most surprising element of her ensemble. Imprinted on the backside of the skimpy shorts was the logo of his favorite hockey team, wide enough to bisect the apples of her bottom from logo's end to end.

Stepping back off the stool, she straightened before realizing that she wasn't alone. She quickly turned toward the bed, her hair sweeping in a way that would make Bacall, Lake and Hayworth proud. Startled, she recovered quickly, encouraged by his obvious interest.

"Whoa." He squeaked out, floored by the vision before him.

Silently, she observed him. Her doe eyes cataloged her husband's obviously positive response to her costume. Dispassionately, she noted the darkening of his questioning eyes; the eager smirk; the throbbing laryngeal prominence; the staccato of his breath; the tension throughout his musculature; his burgeoning member; his waggling right foot.

Completing her initial analysis of Booth's favorable reaction, Brennan formed her hypothesis – revealing clothing with emblems of his favorite sports team would lighten his mood.

"This is Jared and Padme's gift to you." She presented, pivoting ninety degrees each way to give him the opportunity to appropriately survey her costume.

She's too far away. Booth stood up, taking three steps toward her, for the first time noting the Flyers logo that also appeared centered in the white fur of the Santa hat. He beamed.

She could not help but return his smile. "Now you can understand my reaction in revelation of why the gift was addressed the way it was. I determined that you would enjoy seeing it more than an explanation." She shifted.

"I do." he whistled. Placing his left hand against her waist, the other palmed the logo on her backside. He watched his thumb trace the outline of the logo, while his other fingers framed the curve of her rear. "What is this material?" he tugged at the corset, marveling at how the cinching drew out her the pretty lines of her scapulae. "PVC?"

"Definitely some form of polyurethane, but I doubt polyvinyl chloride. The material wouldn't be as stretchy. A polyurethane/polyester blend, I'm sure." She watched his intrigued examination of her garments, finding his boy-like wonder very stimulating.

"Hmm." He murmured, recalling the first time he saw her in her Wonder Woman costume. She was shaped differently then, and yet still, she's the same – all legs, and hips, and breasts.

_God look at her breasts. _

While the back of the corset laced her in, the front of it hugged it into a sweetheart neckline. His fingers fanned over the silver trim that kissed her bosom. His stubbly face grazed hers as he leaned over her shoulder to again grab her ass. Her arms threaded with his as she pulled him flush to her body. She felt her knees go weak at the realization – _he's examining like I examine bones_.

His hands pressed against the firm lines of the corset. Her neck began to pink, frustrated by his too light touch. His knuckled knocked on the framing just below her left breast.

"It's hard? This must be uncomfortable." He frowned.

"Not really, it works with the fabric to curve to my frame while simultaneously keeping the shape of the corset." She offered. "What you're touching is referred to as the boning of the corset." She grinned.

His ears book-ended his reciprocating grin at the term. "Boning?" he teased, pulling her right thigh to his side, essentially pressing his erection between her thighs.

He felt her quiver and braced her to him. Her hands anchored his ass, welcoming the delicious ache of his sex pressed to her own. "I wrote a paper on the history of the corset for a Women's Studies course. I know a significant amount about the corset." He pressed his wet lips against her neck. "None of which I can recall at the present time." She moaned.

He ignored her while he trailed sucking kisses up and down the line of her neck. In his carnal haze, he had a moment of clarity: grommets. Laced up with shoelace material. The leathery white top. A black bottom. Silver stockings. "An ice skate!"

"Hmmm?" she mumbled into his neck. She leaned back revealing to him an aroused gaze.

He would get back to that look in a minute. _No way had she figured this out._

"This outfit. The material, the colors, the shoelaces in the corset. It represents a lady's ice skate." He laughed.

He watched her catch up. "That makes sense. The attached greeting card made reference to the act of shredding, a term you use often related to playing hockey. The exact phrase was, 'now you can shred without ever leaving the bed.' Her cheek pinched into a lustful grin. "In this case, I believe that **_shred_** is code for 'sex'."

He snickered, stepping back to see the theme fully on display before he tore it off of her. Since having Christine, her graceful body had become even more voluptuous, and he couldn't get enough. The supple curve of her hip down to her slender legs. He groaned in anticipation of feeling the conflicting textures of the lace edged stocking, her garter and the warm, creamy flesh of her thighs. And though she was barely moving at all, the subtle jiggle of her ample breasts spilling out of the garment left him boneless – almost.

He was absolutely entranced with her. He mustered up the muscle memory to walk back to her. He assumed his ability to speak would soon follow.

"So, you like this?" she asked, directing him to sit in the chair beside the bed.

He nodded affirmatively as she sat down into his lap. He simpered at the feel of the contrasting fabrics along her thigh.

She looked at him with what he called her sexy schoolteacher reprimand face "I recognize the intention of this outfit is to objectify my features, but I find I rather enjoy that it is just for you. And I really like how you respond to it." She giggled, her body curving into wherever his meandering hands traveled. She loosened his tie. "I also appreciate the integration of the sports team for whom you are so fanatical, that is a very thoughtful inclusion. And, that the design of this undergarment to abstractly represent a skate is quite clever."

Pulling off the tie, she snapped her wrist back quickly, leaving Booth with a tingling sensation where it traveled. Both pairs of eyes flared at Brennan's action, but words were unnecessary. Lovemaking would come later. Sex would come first. Brennan leaned in to devour Booth's mouth.

_Loud sex._

The white noise machine would need to be turned on in Christine's room tonight.

But before the sex and the lovemaking, Brennan sought to ensure her cranky partner's demeanor had improved. Lovingly, she outlined the prominent lines of his face with her hand. "I'm sorry that you had a bad day, Booth."

They plucked at each other's lips. Then, she leaned her head back, giving him more access to the breasts being served up to his face. He licked his lips and planted a wet smacking kiss straddling the heave of both before angling his neck back up in need of her mouth.

"I'm sorry that I was angry with you, Bones."

"You were?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes, in the car, Bones. I was mad that you picked up Christine without telling me and that it took me so long to get home. I was mad that you had spoken with Rebecca and made arrangements for Parker's travel without consulting with me. And I was mad that you didn't _get_ that I was mad when we were on the phone." He sighed.

She watched him as she processed what he had just disclosed. "I just assumed you were irritable due to the traffic." She offered apologetically.

"I know." He said, his eyes softening under her gaze.

"I was sincere in my apology about Christine. I understand that you still worry about those things. I do, too." She confessed, recalling how recently she had felt insecure about his love for her. He stroked her cheek, and slid her down slightly for her to put her head on his shoulder. He hugged her at her waist while he continued to finger her garter belt.

"And Parker. You were looking forward to a big family Christmas this year, Booth. I was looking forward to it as well."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." She replied breathily. "I find that, even though we have spent Christmases together in the past, _this_ year – what we suffered through and then they joy of marrying you, of being happy…this is the first Christmas in decades that I eagerly await. And when I found out the news about Parker, I knew that you wouldn't obstruct his invitation, but that it would also disappoint you. So, I decided to do something special for you tonight."

He brightened at her soothing words, while he internally cursed his earlier snap judgments. _I am the luckiest man alive._ _This woman loves me so much._

"So you knew about this outfit coming?" he waggled his eyebrows. _My sneaky anthro-_

"No. That's merely a coincidence. I'm speaking of picking up Christine on your behalf and preparing Marianne's recipe for beef stew."

"Oh!" He kisses her. "That's very nice of you, Bones. Thank you."

"You're welcome. It pleases me to make you happy."

"You make me very happy, Bones. You make me crazy sometimes, but it's why I love you." She reached over for a nuzzling kiss. They both sighed.

"That stew does smell good" he complimented.

Plucking his shirt buttons undone, she offered "You'll have to let me know if I was successful in its preparation." He snickered as she made a face. She would not eat the stew, but he knew that when Temperance Brennan was given detailed instructions, she could do anything.

"It's ready to consume. I have it warming in the crock pot that Caroline purchased for us, it's a very efficient appliance. I purchased another one for my vegetar-…."

"You know what smells better?" he interrupted.

She considered his question. Given the scents that she knew he enjoyed, she suggested "Well you like, cinnamon, vanilla, chocolate, eucalyptus. Strangely you like the smell of motor oil…"

Booth laughed at his own lapse in specificity with his girl. "I mean you, Bones!"

"Me?" she scoffed.

Gently, he pushed her chin away from him to plunge his tongue back into the dip of her neck. "Mmm, you taste better too."

"Booth!" she giggled and moaned as his mouth speared her neck, shoulders and chest. She squirmed at his pawing, instigating a delightful friction between her bottom and his lap. Even though he had already emancipated her breasts from the corset, he thumbed the first button in the front in a desperate need for even more of her delicate skin.

Unexpectedly, she swatted his hand away and popped up from their wonderful cocoon.

He groaned as she tugged the corset back up over her chest. But she appeased his disappointment with a buxom view as she leaned directly in front of him while she transferred the Santa hat from her head to his.

"I'll be right back. I just want to turn down the crock pot." She defended.

"Woman!" he whined, reaching out to grab her to him. He succeeded at trapping her by her waist in his arms. The innocence of his puppy dog eyes looking up at her were a stark contrast to his wandering hands toying with the flesh between her thighs and on her backside.

"Right back. I promise." She allowed him a quick kiss right below her exposed belly button as she tenderly combed through his hair.

He groaned at her release. The loss of his wife's body pressed to his was saved only by the sight of her Flyers-stamped bottom. Randomly, he wondered if he could talk her into a tattoo.

He leaned back in the chair, kicking off his shoes and loosening his belt and zipper in an attempt to alleviate the always welcome discomfort of what Bones did to him.

_She loves to rile me up and then sneak away. Heh, wonder if I can find a 'Cocktease' belt buckle for her, _he laughed.

He thought momentarily about his day. Yet again, his two girls had found a way to help him salvage a shitty Wednesday. His little girl gives him unconditional love and joy.

_And Bones, she gives me shelter from the storm. _

_It's going to be a long night._

_In a good way._

Looking to seal his karma and good fortune for the night, there was just one little thing that he needed to do to, and then he could really enjoy the rest of his evening.

And he wanted to hurry and do it before Bones returned. He slipped his hand into his pocket, reaching for the solution.

Grunting at the shift in his position, he slid his fingers in a well-practiced motion until he got where he needed.

"Hey Jared. Padme. It's Seeley. Bones and I, we just got your holiday gift. Heh, heh! It's pretty great. I _know_ we're going to enjoy it. Hey so, I know that Pops is planning to spend the holidays with you guys. I was wondering, maybe. If three of you to come up to our place for the holiday. We've got more than enough room for you guys and Pops. And it's been too long…."

* * *

A/N2: Wise advice once given to me was to remember that I don't know what happened to someone five minutes, thirty minutes, or an hour before I encounter them. Shiny Happy Me hopes that is the case with Marianne Booth. Don't get me wrong, I do not like that her backstory was squeezed into an hour's episode (compared to Max's, which evolved – and still evolves – over seasons), none of us had a choice but to dislike her. I also think that Joanna Cassidy portrayal of Marianne is borderline creepy. But in my Bones World, Marianne Booth is like one of the women that I've met in support of a battered woman's shelter. Each woman's story is equivalently heartbreaking and infuriating, and so I chose to model my interpretation of Marianne based on someone real. Not perfect, but real.


	2. Chapter 2: Socks and Underwear

_Created December 2013 - ____I don't own these characters or the words made famous by the TV show, Bones. Love them anyway. All the rest that follows is my feeble attempt to keep time in between broadcasts and Razztaztic, Threesquares, and Covalent Bond postings._

A/N: 1/3/2014 - Canoli! Am I late with this! I apologize - I am waaaay behind schedule. Let's just say there was a situation with an oven, a hot pan, and perhaps some singed fingers. The fingers are healing nicely (finally), and I've graduated from mouse clicking and one finger typing back to using both hands! Hope your new year required less salve! Barring any further kitchen situations, I want to wrap this baby up by tomorrow night.

HNY to you all! Hope this year brings another year of fantastic reads from the Bones Community. Thanks to so many of you who helped me get through a pretty odd 2013. Cheers in particular to DG Schneider, who kept me company while I nerded out in an effort to repair the FF site. Outcome: the site is hopeless. I guess this is what NY Giants fans feel like right about now (too soon :) ?)

* * *

"Temperance, your dress is beautiful" exclaimed Padme. "You both look really happy. And so gorgeous!" She marveled as she scanned through the e-album of wedding photos on Seeley's rarely used tablet.

"Yes! I can say without exaggeration, it was the happiest day of my life." Brennan beamed as she shifted a cranky, anxious Christine on her lap.

Brennan caught her husband by surprise with this comment. Interrupting his own conversation in the kitchen with this brother, he butted in "Really? Even more than the day Christine was born?" Booth challenged.

Brennan looked at him in disbelieving askance. "The day that an eight pound infant and several uncontrollable bodily fluids passed through my uterus, cervix and vagina? Seriously?" she challenged, adding in a little Roxie inflection.

Padme giggled. Booth looked sheepishly first at Jared, then Padme before responding "Yeah, but the result was Christine, Bones. She's the best thing in your life. You tell me that all the time."

Brennan frowned. "Yes, she is, and I can understand if your delivery of her was the happiest day of _your life_ Booth. But I prefer our wedding day, where both of our children were present, and the only human that traveled through my body was you." She smirked, taking advantage of her husband's prudery.

Their guests laughed while Booth hung his head. "Bones! No talkie about nookie in front of Christine!" he hissed.

The precarious child honed in on her Dada's unwitting cue. "Nookie talkie!" she blurted. "Nookie! Nookie! Nookie!" she sang.

Brennan saw Christine's distracted tune as an opportunity to place her in between herself and her Aunt Padme on the sofa, to no avail. Almost immediately, Christine's body asserted boneless defiance, resisting all seating options, save her mother's lap.

The arrival of the two new house guests had made Christine unusually shy, and both parents had spent the last hour volleying their clingy daughter between them. Her bashfulness was definitely beginning to thaw, as Padme's bracelet had caught Christine's eye. While her mother and aunt discussed the wedding photos, the curious toddler – genetically equipped with her father's stealth gene – began to slowly inch across Mommy's torso toward the fascinating artifact.

Padme tapped on a video of what was obviously the couple's first dance. She smiled as she watched the adorable couple begin to sway, seemingly unaware of the admiring eyes surrounding them. "John Legend, right?" she questioned. "I love this song, Temperance!"

Brennan looked up at her husband, who was leaning against the kitchen counter, symmetrically opposite his brother. The song 'All of Me' had become a Pavlovian sex trigger for the newest Mr. and Mrs. Booth, most recently serving as the ignition to an unexpected and erotic lovemaking session in front of the Christmas tree the night prior. Brennan caught Booth's eye with a winsome smile. His corresponding grin sent a wave of turbulent, commemorative aches throughout her body.

"Mmmmm-hmmm" she replied uncharacteristically (it was a rare instance that Brennan used a sound instead of a word in front of anyone except her husband). "Booth and I had the opportunity to meet him after a concert at the Verizon Center a few weeks before we got married. He is very talented and pleasant, and a fan of my novels. He was nice enough to prepare a special recording for our reception in exchange for an advanced copy of _Bones of the Lost._" She bit her lip, frustrated to be so far Booth at this exact moment. "Booth says the lyrics of song resonate with how he feels about me." she blushed.

Jared smiled at his brother before turning to his sister-in-law. "Temperance, that's amazing!"

Padme piggy-backed "Definitely! When we had last spoken, I think you were you had narrowed it down to 'At Last' and 'Fly Me to the Moon', but having a Grammy-winning artist perform a special recording for you. That's..._wow_!

"Yes. And it definitely eliminated the controversy of disappointing anyone. _Everyone_ had an opinion on what our first song should be. Marianne suggested 'Someone to Watch Over Me', Dad suggested the theme to 'Love Story', Hodgins had suggested "Let's Get It On", but I believe that he was being facetious" she chortled before she continued.

"But Booth insisted that this is one of those things that is ours. It had to be our mutual decision, and although Foreigner's 'Hot Blooded' is what we agree is _our song_, it is not thematically fitting with the expected tradition of a "first dance" song. As you know, it was our intention to use one of The Standards from what is known the Great American Songbook. Before the wedding, we spent a significant number evenings listening, dancing and evaluating the catalog." she laughed, recalling walking through the door each night and being swept into the arms of her fiancé and daughter bopping to Cole Porter, Duke Ellington, the Gershwin Brothers and more. "It was fun."

"Really Seeley?" Jared asked teasingly, pushing himself up from the kitchen island. "I know that you're old school, but I just knew that you were sold on 'Anything Anything' by Dramarama."

"Huh, huh, huh. You got jokes, hmm?" Booth quipped. Both Booth boys mirrored each other with a swig of their water bottles. Brennan and Padme shared a knowing glance of mirth.

It was at this point that Christine had become almost perpendicular to Brennan's torso as she grabbed for the bracelet on Padme's right wrist. Brennan cautioned her child "Christine, please do not sink your incisors into Aunt Padme!" To Padme, she explained, "Christine's second molars are beginning to break through. I'm certain that she'll attempt to soothe her discomfort with your bracelet" she frowned.

Padme giggled, gesturing to Brennan that Christine was fine. Brennan finally eased Christine onto the sofa beside Padme successfully. Christine multitasked between plucking, attempting to gnaw on Padme's wrist and watching her parent's dance video.

Returning her gaze up to her husband, Brennan continued "I don't remember 'Anything Anything', Booth. Was it one that we considered?"

Jared chuckled while Booth glared at his brother. "Nah, Bones. Jared's talking about something that happened back in high school –"

Excitedly, Jared cut him off. "Seeley was _obsessed_ with this hot girl, Sherai Bellapini" he started. "She was a senior, he was a junior. He thought she was _**the one**_. Even though they didn't start dating until years after, Pops and Grandma went to high school together, and Seeley thought that he had found the girl he was meant to be with forever. But she just turned out to be the first one who ripped his heart to pieces!"

"Awww." Padme interjected, looking sympathetically at her brother in law.

Brennan's interest was piqued. "What happened?"

Jared was thrilled that his brother had yet to share this story with his girl._ But then again,_ w_hy would he? "_Like I said, he was _crazy _about her and he would do the stupidest things to get her attention. He sang to her in the cafeteria, staked out her classrooms to walk her to the next class, had her initials buzz cut into his hair..."

"What?" Brennan huffed. "Hank let you do that?"

Booth shrugged his shoulders. "They were the same as mine. Pops just thought I was being cocky."

"Yeah, but told everyone else it was for Sherai!" Jared continued, placing a sympathetic hand on his brother's shoulder. "Mowed her dad's lawn shirtless, washed her Iroc Z on a weekly basis-"

"An Iroc Z?" Padme choked out a laugh.

"Oh man, Seeley guidoed out for this girl. Club music, hair gel, Cavaricci jeans, gold chains, Drakkar Noir…." Jared laughed.

Brennan assumed that Drakkar Noir was a Stars Wars character that Parker had yet to introduce to her, so she resolved to Google it later. With a scolding glare at her husband, she protested "You told me that 'guido' was an offensive term!"

Preoccupied with how she would receive the rest of the story, Booth simply raised his hands in defeat.

"Oh yeah, Seeley's guido days were offensive!" Jared cackled.

"**_Was_**, Jared!" He defended, walking toward the leather slipper chair. "I _went through _a bit of a guido period back then." Booth confessed weakly as he plopped down. Brennan smiled, realizing the origins of Tony Scallion were borne out of a lovesick sixteen year old Seeley Booth. "But I grew out of it, it was_ just_ a _phase_…"

"Sherai Bellapini! Was she the loudspeaker girl?" Brennan remembered. "The one you took to the junior prom?"

Booth hesitated.

"Yup!" Jared confirmed, joining everyone in the living room. "Sherai went with Seeley to his prom. And, did he tell you that she was the young lady who deflowered my big brother, here?" he slapped Seeley's back, and stood behind him, slightly afraid to sit for fear that his brother would lose his cool and pummel him.

Brennan's eyes sparkled with curious interest. "No, he did not" she chuckled. Booth sighed.

"Well, after the prom, Seeley and a bunch of his friends and their dates drove to Atlantic City for the weekend. Now mind you, Seeley was a good Catholic boy, planning to keep himself pure for marriage. But he _just knew_ that Sherai was _**The One**_. He had saved up a grip of money, he had this whole big romantic weekend planned with Sherai. He would get her to fall fully in love with him and if cherry popping was on the menu, he wouldn't refuse dessert."

"Clever." Booth scowled. "You should write greeting cards."

"Well" Brennan defended "the swath of pheromones and the overproduction of dopamine at that age does lead to irrational thinking. But I've seen photos of Booth as a teenager. Non-guido photos of course, but he has always been very handsome."

"Thanks Bones!" Booth recovered.

"Just stating a fact." she asserted "It would stand to reason that Sherai would be amenable to Booth's romantic intentions..."

"Hmmmph! All she really wanted was a ride." snorted Jared.

Unclear as to his meaning, Brennan inquired, "Are you referring idiomatically to losing one's virginity?"

Jared finally sat down to the left of his wife. "No, she really just wanted a ride – to AC! Seeley didn't know it at the time, but Sherai had a boyfriend. He was in the National Guard and was stationed at Fort Dix in New Jersey. The two of them had arranged to meet up with each other in Atlantic City. Unbeknownst to Seeley, he was her ride." He smirked.

"Unbeknownst? Really? Even Bones wouldn't say something like that…"

All eyes turned to Brennan (including Christine's). Brennan shrugged her shoulders. "I'd have to agree. I would have said 'Seeley was unaware' or even more accurately, were it actually me saying it, I'd say 'Booth was unaware…'"

Jared sat back, placing his arm around Padme. "Ehh, he's trying to deflect from the topic at hand." He teased. "So they get to AC and Seeley springs this whole romantic play on her. Sherai took pity on him. She thought Seeley was sweet and cute, and she felt a little guilty. So she 'Sheraied' him a little "Bellepini!"

Brennan and Padme turned, mouths agape at Booth, who was focused at ripping up and curling the wrapper of his water bottle around his finger. Neither could imagine a scenario of any female having sympathy sex with Seeley Booth.

Brennan considered the implications of the story: Booth's unlucky romantic history with women had begun with an obviously careless girl.

And he had never disclosed this to her. After reading Sweets' books and recognizing the similarities in her own behavior, she grasped that Booth had only shared elements of his formative past in an effort to impress her. He had been afraid to be anything but the alpha in her eyes.

But now that they were together – a family – hearing this story of one of his failures was not off-putting, but rather endearing to Brennan.

"Poor dude fell asleep and woke up to an empty hotel room, and a note!"

"How do you know all this?" Booth probed.

"Karen Issely." Jared offered. "She was going with Mike Pucci at the time." Seeley shook his head, recognizing the context of the source. Mike and Karen had helped a very drunk Seeley back to his room that night.

"The girl who stole your clothes under the bleachers!" Brennan recognized.

Padme looked at her husband. "I thought that Karen dated you…" both Jared and Booth nodded confirming Padme's assumption.

Booth leaned forward. It was his turn to tease. "Yeah, well I was too much Booth for her." He bragged. Jared shook his head at his big brother.

"You're insinuating that you are more endowed than Jared." Brennan observed.

"Well." Booth shifted, turning towards his wife. "Aren't I?"

Brennan's top lip curled nervously as she surveyed the questioning faces awaiting her response. Her lightning fast brain had processed all potential outcomes. "Logic tells me that there is no socially acceptable response to that question." She reasoned. "Except to say that my romp with your brother never proceeded past third down, and that we were both too inebriated to recollect accurate recounts."

The room laughed at Brennan's clever dodge.

"Nicely done, Temperance. But, it's third base, not third down. " Padme offered.

Brennan nodded. "I accept your correction, given your authority on sexual matters."

"Don't worry, Tempe. He knows he's smaller." Jared teased.

"What I _**do know**_ is that my partner said _my name_ while hooking up with you!" Seeley bested.

"Nuh-uh! She said 'Booth', which the last time I checked, was my last name too."

"But you know that she meant me. She's always called you 'Jared'"

"I've got no facts to support that and Tempe's never admitted that she meant you – "

All eyes turned to Brennan. Given her husband's non-resistance to circumventing his embarrassing virginity story, could she be as vulnerable?

"Oh yeah, than why didn't you guys have a second date?"

"Because you got her shot. Then you got yourself kidnapped and me fired."

"Bones…" Booth whined, imploring her to put Jared out of his misery.

Brennan looked at Padme, who shrugged her shoulders at her sister in law. She began "I suppose you both could expose your penises. Padme and I can take measurements..."

"Bones!" Booth snapped, shocked at Brennan's suggestion.

"See! I wouldn't mind the 'weigh in'... but Seeley obviously has his concerns." Jared snickered.

"What if _**I **_measured Seeley and Temperance measured you?" Padme challenged. Booth choked at his sister in law's proposal, but than began to laugh, realizing that she too was tired of Jared's teasing.

Jared frowned at the thought of his wife touching his brother in anyway other than filial. He finally retreated. "Okay. Okay! I get it. Too far!" he admitted. Booth reached over to fist-bump his sister in law.

Jared chose to continue with the Bellipini Tale._ "__**Anyway**._ Seeley? Sherai? AC? He cut off his luscious curly locks in the hotel bathroom, swore off the guido lifestyle, and spent the rest of the weekend drinking and gambling - popping his cherry on both of those fronts, too. And this song - 'Anything Anything' - about some dude desperate to get a girl to marry him - he just played it over and over and over again. He was obsessed." Jared eyed his brother carefully. Both knew all too well about their Dad's obsessive extremes with their mother. Booth watched a look of admiration dawn Jared's face.

Jared cleared his throat. "But Seeley didn't get go all stalker on her or anything. After all, he's a good guy. Blew all of his money away at the craps table, and STILL drove Sherai home at the end of the weekend! He stewed for a while...a long while - months! He finally got over her when he realized that he could have any girl that he wanted." He boasted proudly. "And he pretty much did!" Jared gestured a toasting motion toward his wincing brother. "That next year, Sherai's boyfriend had moved on to the next one so she started sniffing around Seeley again. Seeley was Mr. Big Man on Campus and wouldn't give her the time of day."

Brennan studied her spouse. Booth fidgeted, worried that his wife would make a comparison to their triangle with Hannah. But that was not the case.

"Was this the start of your degenerate gambling habit?"

_Yes it was._ "Bones…" he started weakly.

"Did you pursue a career in the Army thinking that you would improve your romantic chances with Sherai?"

"What!? No! Bones, I didn't go into the Army until years later…"

"Yes but you're very competitive, Booth. I can imagine that it would not sit well with you to feel bested by another boy. You're an alpha male, after all."

Before Booth could respond, Padme interjected. "What I want to know is, you must have been sixteen or seventeen when this happened. They let you gamble?"

Booth grinned "Well, I had a lady friend at the DMV who faked an ID for me…"

Brennan gasped. "Booth! That's illegal!"

He frowned at his wife "Uh, I know that you had a fake ID at sixteen too, Miss Proper Pants!"

Padme and Jared watched the interplay between the couple with amusement. Brennan eyed her guests as she responded to her husband. "Yes, but that was just to become a waitress!" To her in-laws, she explained "I was in foster care. I worked at a bar several nights a week in order to raise money for housing. As soon as I was able, I hired an actor to perform the role of my grandfather in order for me to be emancipated from the system before I was eighteen."

"Really?" Jared was surprised. He was not aware of Temperance's childhood.

"Tistine! Me, Mommy! Me!" the little girl called out. Padme and Jared looked down at the video of there brother and sister in law dancing their first dance as husband and wife. About halfway through the song, the impatient little girl had wriggled out of her Grandpa Max's lap and darted (waddled, really) toward her parents on the dance floor. "Tistine dansuh!" she squealed excitedly, clapping her hands.

"Awww! How sweet! Padme exclaimed, stroking her niece's head. Christine looked up at her pretty aunt and the man who looked like her Dada. She looked back at her mother for courage before she climbed over Padme's lap, scaling Aunt Padme like an expert hillwalker. She inserted herself between Jared and Padme, again studying her Uncle Jared's features. Looking at Jared, she pointed to her father, informing him that Seeley was "Dada. Boof. My Dada."

For a while, the foursome – the felonious foster child, the sniper, the alcoholic and the call girl - lost themselves in the innocence of the precious little girl.

* * *

Jared stared at the Christmas tree with a smile. He had never expected to spend another Christmas with his brother again. But here he now was, in his brother's home. His brother's family's home - for what he hoped was a foreshadowing of decades of family holidays. Now that his first year as a security consultant was complete, he looked forward to more steady state, less stealth, assignments.

He hoped that he and Padme would soon be contributing more pretty babies to the Booth family gene pool. He leaned down for a closer look at the presents, intrigued by one specific gift.

Booth walked into the room, chortling as he recalled his baby brother's habit of "gift whispering" when he thought no one was looking. He cleared his throat, stirring Jared from his stealth operation. Jared stood red-handed and red-faced, still with the gift in his hand.

"Some things never change, huh?" Booth smirked. His brother returned the same grin back at him. Staring at each other for a moment, Booth then continued. "I uh, just got off the phone with Pops. He'll be ready to be picked up at 3:00 tomorrow. Says he has a few lady friends to spread some holiday cheer to before he's ready to do the family thing!"

Jared laughed. "How depressing is it that the most charming Booth is 87?"

"Ehhh, I think we both have done just fine. Broken a few hearts in our time" Booth commented. "Plus, I think Parker's smoother than all of us."

"Heh!" Jared smiled, still examining the gift in his hand.

"Bones says that she's scheduled a spa day with Cam, her friend Angela and Padme tomorrow, so it will be just us to go get Pops." Booth watched his brother for a reaction. It had been a long time since they had spent an extended period of time together on their own.

"I'd like that." Jared admitted. "It's been too long."

"Yeah." Seeley looked down at his shoes. "I'm glad you're here Jared. It means a lot."

"To me too, Seel." he grinned. "And we're - I'm happy for you and Temperance. You guys are perfect together. Took you long enough." he teased.

Booth smiled. "Yeah, it did. Worth every minute too. Hey, you know what? Padme's something else too. I like her. And she's good for you too."

"Keeps me grounded." Jared bragged. "Wouldn't have the foundation that I've built without her. We're both pretty lucky, you know?"

"Yeah." Booth stared reverently at his brother. "We are."

A beat of silence passed between the grinning brothers. But Booth, never one to wallow in emotional moments with men, began "...lucky if-" he raised his voice "we can get out of this house any time today!" he clapped his hands together, turning toward the stairs. "Let's go ladies! Let's get this holiday show on the road! Chop! Chop!"

While Booth and Jared had gotten dressed in the Man Cave, Brennan, Christine and Padme had all gone to the master bedroom to get dressed for the Jeffersonian holiday party. Brennan called out to her husband. "We'll be down momentarily, Booth! Cool your jets!" she barked.

Both men stared at each other, surprised at Brennan's correct use of a colloquialism. "She's learning" Jared offered.

"Yes, she is..." Booth smiled at his brother, walking up to him to snatch the gift out of his hand. "What's the deal with this gift? Huh? Trying to switch tags again?"

Jared huffed. "Naw, I was just looking at the gift wrapping. It's from Mom, right?"

Booth eyed his brother before placing the gift back under the tree. "Uh yeah." he straightened up, adjusting his suit jacket.

Jared knotted his forehead. "Yup. I got the same sized gift from her under my tree too." he put his hands on his hips. "Same wrapping too."

"Yeah?" Seeley grinned.

"Yup?" Jared laughed.

"Some things never change."

* * *

This chapter is dedicated to my three brothers, who regardless of personality, interest or need, always seemed to get the same gift each Xmas. :)


	3. Chapter 3: Family Dinner

_Created December 2013 - ____I don't own these characters or the words made famous by the TV show, Bones. Love them anyway. All the rest that follows is my feeble attempt to keep time in between broadcasts and Razztaztic, Threesquares, and Covalent Bond postings._

A/N: 1/25/2014 - Sorry for the delay! This is the Prehistoric Sea Creature Part of the story that bugs me, hence my dilly-dallying. Alas, last night's episode (Master in the Slop) helped me to flush out a vignette that I could live with. No spoilers tho. Read with no fear!

This is part one of two chapters to be posted tonight. Gotta hurry! We haven't even gotten to Xmas on this one, and the Superbowl's next week. Go Broncos!

* * *

"Seeley Joseph Booth! So help me God, if you and your brother don't put down those toys! You boys need to go wash up for dinner…." Hank growled from the kitchen.

Pops, why are you only yelling at me?" Seeley whined. His eyes remained on the screen as his face angled back towards his grandfather's voice. "Jared's playing too!" he protested.

"You are the oldest, Seeley! I expect you to set a good example for your brother _and_ your little friend. Put the toys down. Now!" he warned.

Seeley groaned. This had been the second warning from Pops. He knew better than to risk a third. He wanted dessert. He had seen his mother's apple pie recipe on the counter, and he could smell the cinnamon.

Seeley ended his guy's life, turning with agitation toward his little brother.

"I know you don't want me to put those toys down for you…"

"C'mon, Jar we gotta go wash up." Seeley snatched the controller from his brother's hand.

"Hey!" Jared protested, shoving his brother. "I'm in the middle of a life! Give it back!"

Shoving back, Seeley warned "No! Pops says _'C'mon'_! I'm not getting in trouble for you, you jerk!"

Jared tackled his brother on the sofa with Spaghetti Monster arms. "You're a jerk!"

"No, _you're_ a jerk!" Seeley grunted, dropping both controllers and scooping up his little brother in a headlock. He turned and pulled the two of them to the floor.

"You're_ both_ jerks." A bitter, grumpy voice whispered on the opposite sofa, watching the flailing Booth limbs before him. "It was my turn to play, anyway" he pouted. Then, realizing that the Booth Boys had stopped playing, he hopped over the tussle to reset the game to start a single-player game. He grinned at his good fortune.

_Finally! My turn!_

Seeley and Jared continued their wrestle for supremacy on the floor.

"Ow! My nuts!" Squealed Jared. His jeans obviously did not give with him in his attempt to escape his brother's contortion.

"Ha! Serves you right, dummy!" Seeley snorted, rolling Jared out of his grip with a good shove. He sat up, first on his knees to catch his breath before leaning forward to stand up. Jared took the opportunity to kick the back of Seeley's knee causing him to collapse back to the floor.

"Whoa!" Seeley wailed, even more annoyed by his laughing friend on the sofa. "Oh you like that? You want to be next?" he menaced, scaring the kid back to his game with a more sober focus. To his brother, he threatened "I'm gonna pummel you" as he pulled him by the legs back toward him.

Having noticed Hank's approach, Jared yelped "Pops! Help! He's trying to kill me!"

"Nice try, Champ! I saw you kick your brother. _You_ instigated him and now he gets your biscuit!" snapped Hank. "And _he _gets _both_ of your desserts!" he snarled, pointing to the kid on the sofa.

"BOOM!" reverberated through the room as the kid's round came to an end.

All eyes focused on a very surprised Lance Sweets.

"But Pops…" both grandsons wailed, both still trying to catch their breath.

"No back talk! The decision has been made!" Hank snapped. "Jared, I heard Baby Doc call his turn and you still cut in front of him. And _you_, Joseph…"

Seeley hung his head. He _hated_ when Pops called him 'Joseph', because either the word "shame", "disappointed" or "break your grandmother's heart" was soon to follow.

"Your little friend brings a toy for all you boys to play with and you don't defend him when your brother's being a knucklehead?" He sighed. "I guess there's no use being disappointed, I suppose I just didn't raise you right…"

_There it was: disappointed. _

"I certainly am thankful for Rebecca and Temperance's influences on my great grandchildren. They _may_ stand a chance at good manners…"

_Ouch! That was a new one._

"I'm glad your grandmother's not here to see such behavior, because it would have killed her! Shameful!"

"Sorry Pops." Seeley and Jared mumbled in unison.

"No, I'm sorry! Apparently the Christmas spirit has been lost on you both!" he fussed.

To Sweets, Hank instructed "Son, go wash up and then come help me get the drinks from the kitchen. I'll fix you one of those Sidecars you like so much!" To his grandsons, he huffed a "Hmph!" and turned back toward the kitchen.

"Temperance!" he barked. "No dessert for my grandsons! Both helpings go to the Baby Doctor.…"

Smiling to himself, Sweets turned off console and the television and started toward the kitchen.

...But not before encountering two very displeased siblings. He was unable to restrain his Cheshire grin. "What?!" He protested. "You got in trouble with Pops! It's not my fault!"

"That's 'Hank' to you Shrinky." Jared sneered. "We will get you, Lance."

In disbelief, Sweets looked fruitlessly at Booth for support. "But I – "

"You got us in trouble Sweets, and now I can't have pie! Bones has been practicing for weeks, she's perfected my mom's recipe! I hope you're happy with yourself!" Booth growled. "You've got night duty with Christine tonight!" he threatened, shoving a finger in Sweets' face. "_And_ you have dishes and garbage for the rest of your stay!"

Sweets' shoulders fell. "Fine!" he sighed, lumbering toward the kitchen.

The brothers cut a conspiratorial look other a look. Sweets _will_ pay.

But escaping their view, a broad grin spread over the Baby Doctor's face.

_Pops called me 'Son!'_

* * *

"So how was the Nerd Ball last night? Did all you Poindexters go wild and turn your pocket protectors into flasks?" Caroline teased Brennan as she passed the bowl of her homemade buttermilk biscuits across the table to Hank.

Jared bit his lip, watching the exchange, silently suffering his biscuit punishment with the anguish of Tantalus. Caroline's biscuits were legendary and Booth had been none too restrained in demonstration of how good _both_ his biscuits were.

Brennan knotted her forehead as she processed Caroline's question. "It was a holiday party, Caroline. A 'ball' is defined as a formal gathering for the intent of social dancing. And while dancing was a component of the evening, it was not the primary objective. The primary objective, of course, was to recognize year-end holidays observed by various cultures – Winter Solstice, Christmas, Kwaanza, Boxing Day…" she rattled.

"I notice that you didn't correct my use of the term 'nerd', Dr. Brennan." Caroline interrupted.

The table of folks snickered at Caroline's quip, all except for Brennan.

"Well, I find that 'nerd' quite accurately defines the majority of people in attendance. By definition, a nerd is someone who may be perceived to be exceptionally, if not overly, intellectual; obsessive about unpopular topics... And often, nerds are perceived to be socially impaired. In consideration of how one may choose to characterize a plurality of employees at the Jeffersonian, I believe that 'nerd' is an appropriate term." She reasoned.

"...It was a Nerd Holiday party." Brennan laughed softly. "Nerdstockings!" she giggled, feeling very jovial as a result of the cocktails that Hank had been mixing all evening. "Get it? _Nerd_, plus _stock_, which – since the Woodstock festival in 1968 - has become a colloquial suffix to denote the gathering of people. But instead of _stock_, I said _stock-ing_ instead, thus creating a pun related to the Christmas tradition of hanging hosiery from a fireplace mantle…" her laughter became more substantial.

"Nerd – stock – ing!" she cackled uncontrollably.

"Oh Dear Lord, I short-circuited the genius." Caroline mumbled.

Hank chuckled at his granddaughter. He adored her occasional child-like logic. Padme and Sweets chuckled politely.

"Good one Dr. Brennan." Sweets offered. Jared rolled his eyes and began to make kissing noises at Sweets.

"Leave Lance alone, Babe!" Padme scolded. Jared cooled, but almost immediately, his hostility toward Sweets was refueled as he watched Christine's slobbery gnawing of one of Caroline's biscuits. The biscuits he couldn't have.

Brennan began to recover, but not before adding "...which can be very dangerous, by the way. Placing stockings over a mantle, I mean. We will_ not_ do that in this house, especially given Booth's recent history with fire." She blurted before reigniting her laughing fit.

Booth protested. "Hey! I did _not _burn down the church!" Turning to Pops, he queried, "What are you putting in those drinks, Pops?"

Perhaps it was because he was Caroline's designated driver for the evening, or his agitation that he hadn't touched his wife since last night, but Booth was annoyed by how very un-sober several folks around the table appeared – Padme, Caroline and his wife all seemed to be very - pleasant. With Christine duty for the evening, Sweets had stopped at one drink and Hank couldn't drink given the medication that he took. Jared was not drinking at all. To Booth, Jared was just his normal annoying self.

"So, I made that last batch a little strong…" Hank defended. "But I did it in honor of our lovely guest for the evening!" he winked at Caroline, who returned a wink right back. Catching the exchange, Booth grinned at the good-natured, innocent flirting that continued between the pair.

At Pops' request, Booth had invited Caroline to join them for dinner. Hank had thoroughly enjoyed spending time with the sassy federal prosecutor at the kids' wedding, and had pestered her to visit him the next time he was in town. She may have been more than twenty years his junior, but Hank Booth - much like his son and grandsons - love the company of a feisty woman.

And, since it was Christmas Eve _Eve, _Caroline's family wouldn't be gathering until the next evening. As such, she was happy to accept a warm invitation to family dinner with her work family and Booth's flirt of a grandpère. Especially since That Mother of Theirs wasn't going to be around for the holidays – _again._

"What's everyone drinking, Pops?" asked Sweets, still nursing his Sidecar.

"I made Hurricanes." Hank stated proudly.

Booth choked on his water. "What!? Pops, that's two different types of alcohol!"

"Five for my recipe, Shrimp! Vodka, two types of rum, gin and Amaretto" his eyes twinkled. "The ladies seem to like it well enough!" He argued.

"Henri Booth! You are shameless!" Caroline laughed. "Try to loosen me up with alcohol! I am way too much Creole girl for you to handle, Cher!"

"Too much to handle? Maybe." Hank reasoned. "But I'd sure have fun trying." He teased.

Booth interceded. "Okay, that's enough Archie and Veronica. Simmer down, now? Weren't we talking about the holiday party? Nerdstocking? Social dancing? Holiday cheer?"

"There was definitely some social dancing going on." Jared laughed. "Temperance, I had _no _idea how…_creatively…_you could dance." He teased.

Booth's body shook, holding back a laugh. He was so proud of his wife's achievements, but her dance moves were _not_ on that list. Even before their last Buck and Wanda case, Booth had long since abandoned freestyle dancing with his wife in public. Unless Bones was wrapped around his body like a glove,_ it wasn't happening_. At home with Christine and Parker: _no problem. _But in public, he'd sit on the sidelines and watch his whirling dervish dance with Angela and Cam.

And Sweets.

"And Lance…boy! You sure were keeping up with her." Jared goaded. "The two of you were flailing around like you were auditioning for a Moby video." He winked at his brother, who was trying desperately not to laugh out loud.

Sweets explained "Dr. Brennan has a unique dancing style. Very expressive."

Caroline raised her eyebrows at Sweets' characterization, recalling her unexpected surprise (_read as_: shock) at Brennan's bachelorette party bopping. "Expressive is the nicest way you could put, Dr. Sweets" she commented.

Shocked by the controversy, Brennan asserted "I _am_ a good dancer!" She frowned, darting puppy dog eyes toward her partner. "Booth! We dance together all the time! Tell them that I'm a good dancer…" she implored.

Trapped, Booth cleared his throat. "Uh, well…_we_ dance very well together, Bones. You are great at keeping a beat…" he encouraged. _"To your own metronome"_ he whispered at a level that only Hank and Caroline (who were sitting on either side of Booth) could hear.

The couple chuckled heartily. Brennan eyed the trio suspiciously. Booth "raised his halo" as he did his best to maintain a straight face under the examining glare of his bride. He crafted "Uh, your grasp of dance is more sophisticated than most are used to, uh, given your study of various cultures." He impressed himself with his rationalization. "You're an acquired taste. Like tofu" he suggested hopefully.

"You hate tofu." She pouted, her cheeks pink with the warmth of Hank's concoction.

"But I _love_ you." He offered his charm smile, confident that this would allay his inebriated wife.

To no avail. Brennan's eyebrow arched in disbelief. "You're handling me." She stated.

Booth could feel his grandfather and brother's smiles at his predicament. They all loved difficult women; both of them had been in Seeley's shoes. He sat back in his chair in his chair in defeat. "Fine! You dance like you're tripping on acid, Bones. You start off okay, but almost immediately lose all concept of rhythm and you need a three foot safety radius for your frickin' trance dancing! Ya happy?"

Padme could not hold back her laugh, which started Jared's giggling. Hank and Caroline chuckled while Sweets catalogued the interplay between the couple as he helped a fidgety Christine escape from her highchair prison.

Brennan smiled, satisfied to elicit the truth from her partner. "Thank you, Booth. I appreciate your honesty." Booth – expecting an argument - stared at her incredulously. "I have noticed that you refrain from dancing with me to certain music in public." She stated, offering Sweets a fresh bib to replace the one Christine currently wore. "I'm fine with it." She smiled. "At least Sweets will dance with me."

Jared's face lit up with a big grin as he stared at his de facto little brother. The kissing noises began again. Padme pinched him under the table.

"Hey! Once you get into it, it's a lot of fun. Very liberating." Sweets explained, somewhat uncomfortable under Jared's amused gaze. Jared had been teasing Sweets about his crushes on his brother and sister-in-law since last night's holiday party. The Brennan Crush was winning.

"Tangled up in Blue." Booth commented.

Brennan's gasped softly as her eyes flashed at her husband's remark.

Early in their romantic relationship, he characterized his chemical response to her (he absurdly referred to it as a "spell") using the Dylan song title as a metaphor. Initially, she laughed at this and the other "sweet nothings" that he shared with her – direct and immediate feedback and action was more her style. However, after countless lovemaking sessions seasoned with his prose, she had come to savor his nonsensical phrases.

Immediately, she recognized his hint and found that it was no longer just the drink that was causing her flush. The continually increasing number of houseguests had severely inhibited the couple's sex schedule, and Brennan found herself hypersensitive to the cues that he knew only she would pick up.

She stared at her husband like no one else was in the room. He smirked back at her, curious at his adorable genius's strategy for a table escape.

Their daughter came to their aid.

"Tweets!" Christine had been repeating over and over again as her tiny little legs emulated a jumping motion in Uncle Sweets lap. Her hands playfully smacked his cheeks in unison with her legs.

"It's time for your bath, Christine." her mother announced. "We should go before you disable Sweets from producing offspring." Brennan stood, reaching for her daughter.

As expected, Christine was quite displeased being separated from her human jungle gym. The table of guests chuckled, "oooohed", and "awwwwed" as a happy Christine pouted, and then wailed. "Tweets!" she howled, stretching in Brennan's arms back towards her favorite Uncle's arms.

Everyone except Jared, of course, who sat stewing at the exchange.

Not taking his eyes off his wife's ass as she ascended the stairs with their fussy brood, Booth teased his brother. "Don't be jealous, Jar. Uncle Sweets here has banked a ton of hours babysitting Christine. He's her favorite chew toy."

"She's very at ease with you." Padme observed.

Embarrassed, Sweets shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, well. I earned my nanny stripes when I was living here, so…"

Jared sat forward, mouth agape. "Wait, what? You _lived_ here?"

Caroline responded. "Yes, he did. Sweets lived with here for four months, four days and seven hours after he broke up with his Dr. Brennan-doppelganger girlfriend."

Everyone stared at Caroline's very-specific timeline.

"What? There was a pool. I won! You win seven hundred bucks and see if you don't remember the details!" she huffed.

Still surprised by the Sweets' reveal, Jared stared at his brother. "You took him in? What happened to doing things on your own…being a man? Protecting your fortress of solitude?"

Jared, Sweets, Pops, Padme, and a grinning Caroline awaited Booth's response. All of them knew how fond Booth was of his ward, but he would rather shadow Hodgins for the week than ever publicly admit such. Booth fidgeted in his seat, impatient with being put on the spot in his own home. With a quick glance at Sweets, Booth replied. "Well, he tried that and he did it _wrong_…he was living out of his office like an accountant during tax time or something! The kid needed a place to regroup, and _obviously _Bones and I have so much space…."

"I can't believe Superman let someone into his fortress of solitude." Jared teased.

Leaning over to Jared and Padme, Sweets shared. "Well, actually, he seems to prefer Captain America to –"

"Sweets!" Booth hissed. Hank and Caroline chuckled, both aware of Booth's undergarment preferences. Hank recalled from his brief stay with his grandson, and Caroline – well, let's just say that tub sex wasn't the only disclosure that Brennan made at her bachelorette party.

"Go!" he ordered his bachelor houseguest. "Go slice up the pie for _your_ dessert. And you…" Booth turned to his brother. "You clear the table! Padme, Caroline? Can I get you ladies something else to drink?" he stood up from the table.

"Booooooth!" Brennan called from upstairs. "Have you seen Christine's iguana? She won't take a bath without it…."

Booth froze as he looked at his guests before answering his wife. He had planned on sneaking up the stairs after refilling everyone's drinks. The sound of Bones' call coupled with the promise of a few stolen moments alone with her excited him. He shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. "Uh, it's on the…"

"Why isn't it on the shelf with the rest of the bath toys?" Sweets inquired from the kitchen.

Irritated, Booth snapped "I moved them, okay? For uh, a _thing_!" to the stairs, he finished his reply "Bones, I moved it….You know what? I'll come up and show you where." He yelled before returning his voice back to normal, and towards his guests. "Uh, Pops – can you?"

"I'm on it Shrimp. I'll get the ladies their drink orders…"

Before Hank had finished his sentence, Booth had darted up the stairs.

"Might be awhile!" Booth called back. "Gonna help put Christine to bed, too!"

Caroline smiled conspiratorially at Padme. "I like that one. I've got to remember to write that one down! _Putting the iguana in the tub_. Heh!"

* * *

A/N:

Did you know: Caroline Julian spoke not a word during the Woman in White episode? I would have killed for a Marianne/Caroline interaction…


	4. Chapter 4: Tangled Up in Blue

_Created January 2014 - ____I don't own these characters or the words made famous by the TV show, Bones. Love them anyway. All the rest that follows is my feeble attempt to keep time in between broadcasts and Razztaztic, Threesquares, and Covalent Bond postings._

A/N: 1/25/2014 This is the Part Two to "Family Dinner"

"The Bones Song" was written by Robin Walling. "Dominick the Donkey (which if you haven't heard it, go Google it, it's adorable) was written by Lou Monte. And, well. You guys know Bob Dylan (I hope!)

* * *

_206 Bones in the Body_

_206 That's all there is_

_206 Bones in the Body_

_And if you sing it right_

_They sound like this…._

Booth leaned against the en suite bathroom as he took in the adorable scene before him.

Brennan leaned in forward in a modified child yoga pose as she bathed and sang to their sudsy baby girl what sounded like a Jimmy Buffet tune set to science-y lyrics.

With a starfish shaped sponge as her pointer, Brennan continued.

_The skull is the cranium, right on top_

_Immovable joint and not a soft spot_

_Scapula's the shoulder blade, a real flat bone_

_Sternum's in the center and protects the heart alone_

Christine howled with hiccuping belly laughs as her mommy's tickling stroke from her scapula around to right above her belly caused her to happily squirm. Brennan continued the song while Christine watched her mother's lips, attempting to mimic the sounds.

_Clavicle's the collarbone, fractures all the time…_

_…Phalanges, you'll find, are in the hands and feet..._

"Show me your phalanges, Christine!" Brennan encouraged as Christine extended both arms to her side and began to wiggle her fingers.

"Ta-danges!" Christine giggled.

"Very good, Baby Girl!" Brennan cheered, pulling back a strand of hair that had fallen from her messy ponytail. "But it's pronounced _fuh-lan-geez_. Ta-danges is acceptable at this stage however."

Excited by her mother's breathy approbation, Christine began to slap the water in the tub, disrupting the surface tension with her splashes. Although most of the water in the portable tub was spilling out into Mommy and Daddy's monster of a tub, a significant amount made its way onto Brennan.

"Oh Christine! You're just like your Dada in the tub!" Brennan laughed leaning back away from a happy Christine.

_*CLICK*_

Surprised, Brennan looked up to find her husband admiring the photo that he just took. Brennan looked down at the clingy white v-neck tee that she had put on to bathe her daughter. "Booth!" she cried. "My shirt is see-through! You_ have_ to delete that photo!" she sat back on her haunches – exasperated but amused - as Christine bopped at the site of her Dada.

Booth grinned as he pocketed his still capture in favor of approaching the live action of Brennan's swaying water-soaked breasts.

"No way! You can see more of Christine's boobies than her Mama's" he teased, pulling up a footstool to sit beside Brennan. "Besides, if you don't want to be objectified, don't go sporting a wet t-shirt in my presence." He took a deep breath as he peered down the slouching v of her top. "…bra-less." He husked through pursed lips.

"You knew I was coming up here to grope you, Bones. You should know better!" He slid his right hand around Brennan's waist as he leaned into her neck to press a sucking kiss to it.

"Hey!" he yelped as his ignored daughter flicked water onto him for attention. "Sorry, Baby Girl! Daddy misses Mommy! I've had to resort to taking semi-nudes just to not lose my mind!" he cooed in a baby-voice to a chuckling Christine. Brennan returned to bathing her.

In his regular voice, he continued to his wife. "Besides. You have tons of skivvy pictures of me." He argued, slipping both of his warm hands under her top. "My collection is far smaller than yours, in fact."

Brennan smiled at the welcome strokes to either sides of her torso. "I suppose we both have a healthy appreciation for the physical form…" she rationalized, considering their mutual admiration of each other's bodies, and some of their collectibles. "Although, I have noted that your collection of – in the vernacular – girlie magazines, has diminished since the earlier days of our partnership." She probed as she gently held Christine's head back to rinse out the shampoo. "From what I can determine, you've stopped collecting completely, in fact."

Brennan snorted, feeling Booth's circular motion against her sides halt at her words. He had not realized that Bones knew about the really old Playboy magazines mixed in with his comic books. "Well, uh. I uh… C'mon, can you call it a collection, really? It wasn't _that_ big in the first place, Bones! Maybe four or five! Just a few collector's items…." He defended, re-initiating his caress toward her hips.

"I also noted that the most recent periodical in the collection had a few dogged-eared pages. The woman on said pages seem to bear a remarkable resemblance to me…" she hummed, handing her daughter the never-missing iguana. Brennan straightened, turning towards Booth.

He winced at her devilish grin. He loved _and hated_ when she caught him.

"Aside from the obvious surgical enhancements, of course." She guided his hands from her hips back under her top, up to her bosom. Booth sighed happily as watched his thumbs brushed her pert, wet nipples. Booth busied his hands and mouth with her breasts for about a minute before he removed one hand from under her shirt to cup her face.

"Nothing's better than the real thing, Bones." He pecked at Brennan's lips while her hands traveled up his thighs.

He sighed staring into her eyes. "Tangled Up in Blue" he grinned, leaning into her. Lips collided in a heated, but too brief kiss. The sound of their lips smacking together caused Christine to look up momentarily before returning back to her favorite toy. She was used to her parents' bath time shenanigans.

"I find I'm quite aroused at the thought of you masturbating with Me-themed aids." She whispered conspiratorially. Booth swallowed roughly at the feel of her breath against his ears. He grabbed her rear and pulled her to him to kiss her. But as quickly as he began, he let her go. Much to both of their disappointments, he pushed her away, dare they get carried away with their child in the tub. Brennan understood his actions and stood up, gathering Christine in her arms.

Booth grinned as he imagined the impact of the additional dampness of Bones' top. Pulling a fluffy purple towel from the stand, he dried Christine's hair a bit before he wrapped the towel around the shoulders of his little girl. He pulled both Brennan and Christine into a bear hug.

"Dada. Hug us." Christine murmured as she swayed in between her parents. Booth kissed her matted wet locks before scooping her out of Brennan's arms. He paused for a minute to ogle his wife before bringing Christine into the bedroom.

With all of the additional house guests, the couple had transitioned Christine's bath time routine to the master bathroom to minimize traffic in the bathroom closer to her bedroom. Booth had thoroughly enjoyed this temporary change as it enabled him the opportunity to watch his wife get undressed and dressed while Booth prepared Christine for bed. Given their crazy schedules, this perk of living with Temperance Brennan was a rare and coveted occurrence.

Brennan grinned as she peeled the wet material from her body, knowing that Booth's eyes were on her. Distractedly, Booth put lotion, powder and pajamas on his little girl while Brennan completed her own routine. From the chair next to the bed, she questioned. "I've seen your photo albums, Booth. You've collected a number of photographs of me over the years…"

Christine chuckled at the 'uh-oh' face Daddy was making at her. _Mommy wasn't done messing with Dada._ "Yeah….?"

Brennan pulled on the geometric printed top that she had on earlier, standing up to replace her wet yoga pants with her slacks. Booth groaned, noticing his wife was not replacing her panties. "Have you ever been inspired to masturbate looking at them?" she queried. Booth's hesitation before responding confirmed his response. "I see." She said.

"Well, Bones! Most of the pictures that I have of us, you are in your jumpsuit, or in eight layers of clothing or…"

"You don't find my attire sexually alluring." She stated dispassionately as she came to sit beside Booth and their half-dressed child.

Worried, Booth looked at Brennan while he unsuccessfully attempted to guide Christine's arm through the pajama top. "Uh, not always. Sometimes I do." He offered optimistically, but was met with her thinking frown. "But that's a good thing Bones. I mean, you are always attractive, and I love it when you wear _those_ jeans, and you know about my weird thing with your lab coats! ...But you dress…_sensibly_. Nothing wrong with that…less distraction for me." He laughed nervously. "Trust me, if you dressed like Angela or Cam, I would have developed carpal tunnel years ago. I wouldn't be able to certify for marksman!"

Brennan studied her husband's face, considering his words. Rethinking his last comment, Booth quietly mumbled another "uh oh" under his breath. He stood their adorable daughter in her sight line as an act of defense.

To no avail. As he expected.

"You find Angela sexually alluring. And Cam, but I knew that." She concluded. "Do you want to have sex with Angela?" she asked, gathering Christine into her arms.

"Noooooooooo!" he responded quickly. "I only ever want to have sex with you Bones. Ever. For the rest of my life ever! I'm just saying, that Angela dresses like…you know…" he paused, feeling a bit nauseous at the examining blue-eyed stares of his wife and his daughter.

_Was the room spinning?_

He took a deep breath. "Provocatively. She dresses provocatively."

Brennan and Christine blinked at Booth in unison.

"…and all that I'm saying is. That if you dressed…provocatively… I wouldn't be able to help myself. I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you Bones" he implored gently. "I barely keep my hands off you now."

"That is true." Brennan reasoned with a soft smile. "That expensive lingerie that you purchased for me didn't last the evening…"

Booth snickered as he recollected. "I turned into Wolverine that night. The way I pawed that stuff off you…"

"And the sheets." She reminded him. "We had to dispose of them given all of the ice cream stains…"

"Blueberry chocolate chip." He remembered. "We got any downstairs?" waggling his eyebrows.

They both laughed.

"You know, I was asked to do a spread for Playboy once." she shared, much to her husband's surprise.

"Really?" he asked, keeping his face neutral. He felt another trap coming.

"Yes." she said breathily, studying his reaction. "After you were kidnapped by the Gravedigger. With the release of my third book, the missed award ceremony and the coverage of the kidnapping and my involvement in your rescue, my publicist said that I was positioned a hot commodity with a hot body."

"Oh." Booth replied. "I know how you don't like being labeled a sexy scientist." he reasoned. "You turned it down, obviously."

Brennan's forehead knotted with worry whenever Booth didn't remember something as vividly as did she. "Yes, I did turn it down. But not because I'm a sexy scientist. You told me that we can't help being who we are, remember?"

Booth's lip curled at her frowning face. "Yes, Bones. I did tell you that." he leaned over to kiss her.

Brennan smiled, reassured by his recall. "I didn't do the spread because I didn't want to risk saturating the market with my image. I felt it would impact my ability to do undercover assignments with you." She pursed her lips. "Appearing in Playboy would have made me too recognizable" she reasoned.

"Probably not." Booth leaned his arms back on the bed for a quick stretch.

"Why not?" she questioned, annoyed by his doubt.

"Because." Booth beamed. "I would have gone broke buying every last one of those Playboys. Nobody else would have had the chance to see them!" he grinned.

"Awwwww! That's so sweet, Booth! Financially preposterous, but very sweet." Brennan chuckled as Booth leaned in to kiss her again. Christine let out a tiny grunt. She had calmed, nestling her weary head onto Brennan's shoulder. Booth kissed her cheek.

"She's very tired." Brennan observed.

"Her schedule's been disrupted." Booth agreed, thumbing his daughter's cheek while pulling the ponytail holder out of Brennan's hair. "Almost all of her favorite people are here…and Santa's coming!" He sang to Christine as he stroked Brennan's neck.

Brennan rolled her eyes, but whimpered at Booth's touch. "I think little girl has a crush on her Uncle Sweets. Did you see how elated she was when he performed "Dominick the Donkey" for her? She appeared to be seizing, she was laughing so hard..." Brennan snickered.

Booth's eyes darted to his teasing wife. "Nah-uh. Ain't happening. Only crush she can have until she's eighteen, is on _me_" he kidded as Christine popped her thumb in her mouth. Considering Brennan's comment, he asked "She does get a kick out of him, doesn't she?"

"Mmmmhmmm." Brennan eased Christine into Booth's arms as the pair stood to take her to her crib. "It seems to displease Jared terribly."

Booth laughed quietly as they padded down the hallway. "I know! It's pretty funny, right?" Booth sighed. "He's totally jealous! With everyone together, I realize how much I treat Sweets like he's a little brother."

"It's very comforting. Our family's become quite large." Brennan mused sitting down on the two person rocking chair that Angela had designed for them. She leaned her head on Booth's left shoulder and began a staring contest with Christine, whose head rested contently in the crook of Booth's right armpit.

Booth smoothed his hand over Brennan's back as he watched his girls face off in their Blue Battle Royale. "Yep. I love it."

The trio rocked quietly as they listened to the din downstairs. From what they could discern, Padme, Sweets and Jared were having a lively discussion about the British Premier league while Hank and Caroline discussed their respective travels through Europe. Sounds of the Carpenters poked through all the chatting.

In no time, Christine drifted off into a solid sleep. Brennan stood, peeling Christine's warm body from Booth's and placed her in the crib. She conducted her evening routine, fussing over Christine's blankets and stuffed animals long enough to warrant an interrupting "ahem" from her spouse.

Brennan turned back towards Booth. He rocked playfully in the chair, motioning for her to return back to his side. She frowned at his invitation. "We have guests downstairs, Booth! It would be rude of us to keep them waiting."

Booth reached out to draw her closer to him. Once she took his hand, he pulled her all the way back to the chair. "They're family, Bones. They can take care of themselves for a while."

"Caroline's not family." Brennan offered. "I understand that Sweets is our metaphorical little brother, but…"

"In the past ten years, Caroline's been more of a Mom to you and I than our own mothers, Bones. She's family." Booth asserted.

Brennan mulled his statement. "I am very fond of her and Christine simply adores her. You are right. Metaphorically, Caroline's family."

"I'm always right, Bones. I keep telling you that." Booth boasted, unsnapping the bra under Brennan's blouse.

Brennan busied herself unbuttoning Booth's shirt. "I will concede that there are several topics where your knowledge is exceptional. Sports, family, popular culture, sexual innuendo..."

Booth cut her off with a kiss as he pushed up her blouse. Brennan moaned softly at the feel of his probing fingers between her still-clothed legs. "My body." She gasped as she loudly unzipped her pants.

"Shhhhh…" Booth reminded as he pulled down Brennan's trousers. "We don't want to wake the baby."

Knowing that when she was drunk, Brennan had a tendency to be very uninhibited (_read as:_ loud) when they had sex, Booth inquired hurriedly "Are you drunk, Bones? How much alcohol have you had?"

Distracted as she unzipped Booth's jeans, Brennan fussed. "I'm obviously not _that _inebriated Booth! I was able to bathe our daughter successfully. And put her to bed as I always do." She whispered back urgently, her hands full of his throbbing member. "Now hurry please. I suggest that we forego foreplay and simply engage coitus."

Booth nodded, gently pulling his wife to the floor. Briefly he stole a look at the door to confirm that it was indeed shut. Relaxing at the security check, he reassured himself that he and Bones could accomplish their quickie without waking their daughter or revealing themselves to their guests.

Booth nodded at his straddling wife, who mewled quietly at the intense, welcome feel of first entry.

The pair sighed together. Twenty-one hours apart was way to long.

_This quickie was a good idea. _Booth thought to himself. Just a quick release and they both could make it through the rest of the evening. He watched his normally vociferous partner devour her bottom lip in an effort to quiet her pleasure. He grinned proudly at her efforts. Even with Hank's Hurricane's, he was certain she could keep it down.

They would be just fine.

After all, Bones had successfully bathed Christine and put her to bed like she always did.

A routine that involved positioning Christine's blankets and stuffed animals strategically in the crib.

And turning on the baby monitor.

Which was on downstairs. In the dining room.

"Oh shit!" Booth choked. "The baby monitor!" he panicked as he unwillingly tried to extricate himself from their delicious tether.

"Don't worry about it Cher!" hollered Caroline from below.

"Mama Caroline will turn it off!"

* * *

A/N #2: Hopefully no spoilers here, but I added this chapter after watching last night's the Master in the Slop.

Let the record reflect three things: 1) I LOVED Dave Thomas on SCTV. He's very good sketch comedy. 2) Was some of the action in last night's ep way out of character and campy? ABSOLUTELY! However, what I watched last night feeds well into my Conspiracy Theory tale, so since I play on using a bit of it, I'll chill. 3) Do I think that Brennan would submit to publicly objectifying herself? Maybe, she's an Experiencer. I could totally see her submitting to "an experience", like burlesque dancing, taking drugs, sleeping with one guy, while "dating" another...you get the point. She could go either way. But what I strongly do believe is that our Seeley Booth is a Christ-loving, red-blooded American male who loves women, who on at least three occasions that I recall off the top of my head has demonstratively revealed his appreciation for a scantily-clad lady or two. I am a red-blooded American woman, and while I love a man in a well-tailored suit more than anything (which is still objectification BTW), I will not complain if a good looking dude takes off his shirt.

That's my two cents. Figured I'd rant after the gift of a story :)


	5. Chapter 5: If I Were A Carpenter

_Created December 2013 - ____I don't own these characters or the words made famous by the TV show, Bones. Love them anyway. All the rest that follows is my feeble attempt to keep time in between broadcasts and Razztaztic, Threesquares, and Covalent Bond postings._

2/1/2014: Happy US Black History Month (don't get me started, Covalent Bond knows I'm crabby about it) and Happy SuperBowl Eve Day - both an eve and a day! Enjoy a little sweet and melancholy. Next chappie is even more saccharine ;)

I figured out what bugs me about this story. Aside from it's connection to the holidays, it's very Seinfeld-y (for those not familiar, it's a TV show heralded for being a show about nothing). Oh well!

* * *

"You guys are back quick" Jared observed sarcastically, busing breakfast dishes from the kitchen island.

"Thought you'd guys would stop off at a hotel for a mid-morning delight."

"Huh, huh, huh!" Booth quipped grouchily, placing his grocery bags on the side counter.

Brennan's jaw dropped as she gasped a laugh. _That _was _exactly_ what Booth had suggested as they exited out of their driveway that morning. She placed her grocery bags on the lower part of the bilevel kitchen island.

"Thank you for minding Christine." Brennan washed her hands as she addressed Padme. "I hope her behavior was satisfactory."

"More than!" Padme exclaimed. "Now that she's become used to us, she's a lot of fun!" Padme tickled Christine's neck, causing her to pin her chin to her chest with a snicker.

Booth pecked a kiss to his daughter's nose as she side-gummed her breakfast. Surprised, Booth inquired. "Whoa! You got her to eat a waffle?"

Jared beamed. "Yup. Pop's recipe. Added some blueberries to the batter. She chowed down on it like a champ. This is her third quarter of a waffle." He bragged.

Booth chuckled. Brennan exposed her envy as she dried her hands. Her attempts at getting Christine to consume her waffles had been less than successful. Disastrous, in fact. Brennan kissed into Christine's hair before starting to unpack the grocery bags.

Booth slid around and in behind in-motion Brennan, copping a quick grab of her rear before brushing his hand over Christine's forehead to tilt her head up. "You gonna let Daddy have some of that waffle?"

Christine giggled at her father's absurd request, grabbing his nose with her tiny fingers. "Tines." She asserted, shoving another torn bit of the waffle in her mouth with her other hand. Booth feigned nom-nom noises at her, sending her squealing into a frenzy of delight.

"Top's Daffles." she asserted. "Tines!"

Pops grinned from behind his newspaper, pleased to have another Christmas soundtracked by the joyful noise of pure innocence.

Sweets stumbled into the kitchen. He had spent from 3:00 to 4:30 AM sitting with a very chatty, reluctant-to-sleep Little Booth. "Morning." He mumbled, heading straight for the coffee pot and a mug. He groaned as he noted Pops had made a pot of decaf.

Jared patted Sweets on the back as he handed him the bag of Christmas Blend. Then he began to help his brother and sister in law put away groceries.

"Temperance you received two calls." Padme began.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, who still has a landline phone in 2013 by the way?" interrupted Jared. "I don't even know the last time I saw one."

"Given Booth's love of antique phones and the emergency safety aspects of landline versus mobile phones, we agreed to retain a fixed phone." Brennan explained. "I provide all non-Jeffersonian and non-family related business to this line." Brennan eyed her brother. "I'm surprised, given your military experience and your current high security position that you haven't considered one."

"His job would prefer that he had no means of communication." Padme sighed. "They are very cloak and dagger. But-" she piped up cheerfully. "We do have a ham radio! We are now both licensed."

"That's a wonderful idea." Brennan exclaimed. "My Dad taught Russ and I how to operate one when we were children. Booth – "

"No, nope! You have more than enough on your plate. We are not going to get ham radio certified any time soon. If you wanna do something together as a couple, we can go back to that pottery class Sweets took us to, remember? Sweets? You still doing pot?" (Hank chuckled). "C'mon Sweets! Take me & Bones back to that class. You can even bring FauxNah with you!" Booth suggested enthusiastically.

"Still? We're still not off of that?" Sweets sighed dejectedly as the room enjoyed a hearty laugh at his expense. The psychologist had endured a dinner-long ribbing the night before as Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth teased Sweets about the date that he had escorted to "Nerdstocking."

Melissa – cultural anthropology student at American University, bore a remarkable resemblance to Hannah Burley, earning her the nickname "FauxNah", short for "Faux Hannah" (cleverly coined by Dr. Saroyan). FauxNah only served to exacerbate Jared's theory that Sweets crushed on the couple. Much to his chagrin, Sweets' two dear friends threaded together a humorous case of facts to substantiate Jared's hypothesis: infiltrating their lives under the auspices of writing his book; dating both an anthropologist _and _an FBI agent; his quest to partner up with Booth when Dr. Brennan was on maternity leave; his obvious enjoyment living with them….

And now, FauxNah.

Angela had choked on her martini as she and Cam witnessed Melissa mention to Dr. Brennan that they shared a common acquaintance: one Dr. Michael Stires.

"Didn't you say that Dr. Brennan had messages, Padme?" Sweets reminded. He was not yet ready to battle the "Boothing" without coffee.

Padme offered Lance a supportive smile. "Yes! Temperance – Jared took the first call."

Jared turned to his sister in law. "Uh yeah! The _thing_ is confirmed for next Tuesday."

"Oh!" Brennan processed. "That will present a challenge. Booth and I will be returning Hank home on Tuesday afternoon…"

"What _thing_?" Booth inquired.

"Don't worry about it! Padme and I will take care of everything." Jared turned to his wife, sharing an affirmative nod.

"What _thing_?"

"I would appreciate that tremendously. Perhaps this will make the presentation a bit easier...thank you!"

Booth halted his restocking of beer in the refrigerator. "Uh…hello? What _thing_? I'm just gonna keep asking…"

Jared and Brennan grinned at each other conspiratorially. Padme intervened. "Well Seeley, we were going to surprise you."

"But knowing how you don't really like surprises…" Brennan interjected with an awkward wink at her sister in law.

"Yes, it's probably best we just tell you now." Jared finished. "Temperance has agreed to do a wife swap. Padme's moving in here for three months." He laughed.

"Ha!" Hank snorted from behind the newspaper.

Booth looked from his brother, to his wife, to his sister in law, to his wife…all with broad grins on their faces. He concluded that they were not willing to share what was going on, so he played along.

"Well! That actually sounds kind of …great!" he laughed as he approached Padme. "I'm now addicted to your homemade chai tea, Padme!" he threw his arm around her playfully, kissing her cheek. "And it'll give us a chance to even up things on the romance side, huh?" he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"It's a plan!" she laughed, high-fiving her brother-in-law.

Sweets stared in confusion at the display. Knowing Dr. Brennan as he did, he was not completely convinced that this was a joke. That coffee needed to hurry along.

Booth strolled over to his still-smirking wife. "So you're not going to tell me?" With both hands, he pulled her by her cardigan flush to his body. Instinctively, Brennan slid her arms around the firm of his waist.

"No. You'll simply have to be patient." She hummed. "But, given my extensive consultation with your brother and grandfather, I'm sure you'll be pleased." She offered.

"You're in own this too, Pops?" Keeping his wife close to him, Booth turned her back to the dining room so that he could see Hank.

Hank dropped the newspaper and squinted at his first grandson "Of course I am, Shrimp! If the girls are going do a switcheroo, and Max is out of state…who do you think is going to take care of my great-granddaughter? Baby Doc? Bah! My little chick magnet is coming home with _me_!"

Both surprised at Hank's response, Brennan laughed freely while Booth groaned. Sliding her hand up the plane of his chest, Brennan teased. "You'll just have to wait for that _thing_ to happen." Booth pecked her mouth before releasing her.

"The other call?" Brennan posed.

"Steve called, he wanted to discuss your plans for tonight." Padme started.

Booth halted from his action of cutting in front of a whimpering Sweets for a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

It had not been the first time that an ex-beau of Brennan' had called the house. Booth had been especially annoyed by one persistent creep who ran into Bones and Christine together, and still had the audacity to call the house with offers for a weekend getaway. This was the first received since they were married.

"Really Bones? How many more of these guys are there? You'd think they would have seen the damn six-page spread of our wedding in the Post. It's Christmas Eve, for the Love of Pete! Is he one of your atheist friends? Tell him you're going to Midnight Mass at the National Cathedral with _your husband!_" Booth growled as he handed the coffee pot to a very appreciative Sweets. "Bones, you have got to let these guys know…"

"Booth! You _know _Steve. And he is not an ex-boyfriend! 'Steve' is Stephen Wallace."

Booth stared at Brennan blankly.

She shifted, annoyed at his lack of recollection. "_Archbishop_ Stephen Wallace…remember?"

Relief and recognition flashed across Booth's face. "Ohhhhh!" He laughed.

Then confusion. "Wait, why is Archbishop Wallace asking you about your plans for tonight? Why does he have our number?" Booth eyed his family with suspicion – none of them appeared to be aware of Bones' business with Archbishop Wallace. He hadn't noticed Sweets' grin, which had been covered up by his substantial gulp of coffee.

Brennan smiled, directing her attention to Padme. "Did he indicate that everything was in order?"

Padme shrugged her shoulders. "I guess. His exact words were 'the baby is in the manger.'"

Brennan's inner nerd exploded as she clapped her hands in excitement. "That's wonderful!" she exclaimed! Turning to her husband, she gleefully announced. "Guess what, Booth? We're going to Midnight Mass tonight!"

Booth snickered leaning against the sink. "Uh yeah Bones. _I know._ Literally just said that to you a minute ago."

Brennan frowned a smile as she lifted Christine from her highchair. "Yes! But you didn't indicate _where!" _She approached her husband who slipped his arm around her as she leaned against the sink beside her to make what appeared to be an announcement to everyone.

"I spoke to Steve about attending Mass this evening. Since we were instrumental in avenging Doug's death, we have stayed in touch. He had tried unsuccessfully to assist with the difficulties we had with the coordination of our wedding to no avail and he asked me to advise him of any support that we may need in the future."

Directing her gaze to her grandfather, she smiled. "Hank, it is you who inspired my idea! We're going to St. Patrick's Cathedral! In New York City!"

* * *

"Uh Pops? Do you want anything from the café car?"

"What?" I teased. "This shi-shi train has wait service, Son. They'll bring you something. Just gotta ask."

He blushed looking at his wife before answering me. "Padme and I are going to go for a stretch. It's not even Christmas and I can feel the pounds." He joked. "Two and a half hours is a long time to sit."

"Meh! If I could sit for a straight two hours without having to take a piss, I'd dance a jig!"

Padme giggled at that one. Padme's really good for Jared. I think he's finally got it right.

I know what they're up to. I looked at her shy smile and the twinkle in our grandson's eye, and couldn't help but chuckle.

"No, you kids go and have your _snack_." I told them. "Have a nice stroll."

Jared took a long look at me with our Ed's smile, Sweetheart. Such a handsome smile. I couldn't help myself. I stopped Jared by the arm and whispered in his ear. "Son, I think you'll find that the middle cars are usually less occupied."

We both had a good chuckle at that one. Off they went to hopefully make us some more great grandkids. Hurts my heart everyday that you never got to meet our precious little ones.

"Pops? You want me to keep you company?" Seeley asked me, leaning across the aisle. I had been sitting with Jared and Padme and Mrs. And Mrs. Seeley Booth and little Miss Angel Baby occupied their space opposite us.

I looked over at that beautiful family of his. They had been such gracious hosts to all of us this Christmas. I wanted them to have a little family time together. Even if it was just across an aisle.

"No, Shrimp." I told him. "I've got those new-fangled headphones that you and Temperance gave me. I'm gonna sit back and get some rest. Fall asleep listening to some rail-riding music."

"Willie Nelson?"

"Johnny Cash."

"_Hello I'm Johnny Cash." _He recognized. _So he __**was**__ paying attention._

"That's right." I winked. "Spend some time with your family." I said, looking at his happy girls.

My darling girl, you would be so proud of our big guy. So much that he's gone through. He still carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, but his Temperance helps balance it between the both of 'em.

You'd really like her. She's a beaut. She's Old Hollywood gorgeous and Old Hollywood sass. Smart as a whip, too. And she fiercely loves our Shrimp. And she protects him. Finally, a woman to hold him when the serious stuff comes up. I know that he's set free so much pain, and she's to credit. She can take it.

She's strong like you are. His rock. Brings out so much light in him. Never seen him smile so much in my life than the day he came into the home to tell me they were getting married. Happy tears are so much better than the painful ones he's had to endure in his life. He deserves this girl, and she deserves him right back.

And her being loaded doesn't hurt. We're heading to St. Patrick's Cathedral as special guests to the cardinal for Midnight Mass. For a so-called atheist, she demonstrates a lot of faith and sacrifice to make our grandson happy. She"claims" she wants Angel Baby to grow up with "mythology", as she calls it. I think she feels Seeley's faith and is buoyed by it. His faith gives her faith.

But don't tell her I said that. She'd kill me!

I hope you're watching this right now with me. Seeley and his girls. Isn't Angel Baby a stunner? Temperance is going to have to come up with some high technology to lock Shrimp's guns away when the boys start knocking. I don't imagine that I'll be there to see it myself, but as long as I get to return to your side, I won't complain.

I miss you so much every day. That's why I tell you that every day.

But I'm keeping my promise, huh? Making sure these boys make it. Our grandsons are both happy and as healthy can be. We did a good job with them.

Just like we did with our Edwin growing up. We couldn't control what happened to him over there, what he saw. What it did to him.

Maybe I could have prepared him better for what to expect.

His war was not mine, just like Korea wasn't WWII and WWII wasn't the Great War. Alls I know is that I came back to a hero's welcome. **_They_ **came back as outcasts, losers, and villains. We didn't support them right, we didn't understand until it was too late. I couldn't relate to what he experienced and he couldn't tell me. They didn't have support back then like now.

When he came home, our son had a problem. He needed help.

And I just told him that he was being weak, and that he needed to be a man.

I'll never be able to forgive myself for what happened next. What I saw and what I didn't see.

_For years._

You've always had faith, Darling. You always hoped that our son could find some peace. That his family could heal.

It's happening, Sweetheart.

Marianne is thriving. She's got a new fella now and he treats her well. Like I said, Jared finally seems to be coming into his own.

And Seeley. I'm so proud of him.

We both know how hard life's been to him. From the abuse, to his own military demons, to his troubles with Rebecca. Then for so many years, the girl of his dreams keeping him at arm's length. He's had a lot to deal with, but he's survived more than okay. I think this is why he keeps the shrink Baby Doc around.

Pez dispenser psychology mumbo jumbo, if you ask me.

But Seeley likes the kid. Listens to him. He listens to Seeley.

He'd be with us tonight on our way to New York if he wasn't working on Temperance's next surprise. He's moving his stuff out of Parker's room into what Shrimp calls the Man Cave.

He's making room for our great-grandson.

We're picking Parker up at Penn Station.

Shrimp has no idea!

I'm telling you, Darling. You'd _love_ Temperance….

* * *

A/N #2: If B&B get their banter from Hepburn and Tracy, they get their loyalty and unyielding commitment to each other from Johnny and June Carter Cash (another one of my favorite real-life love stories). You can't tell me otherwise ;)

Re: the chapter title - Note that it's not about the tribute album (which is awesome), but about JC's song. In the spirit of role-reversal that B&B often demonstrate, I'd like to think that Brennan would dedicate this tune to Booth. Then deny the religious aspects!


	6. Chapter 6: Smooth Criminals

_Created December 2013 - ____I don't own these characters or the words made famous by the TV show, Bones. Love them anyway. All the rest that follows is my feeble attempt to keep time in between broadcasts and Razztaztic, Threesquares, and Covalent Bond postings_

_A/N: 02/16/2014. Will she finish this Christmas/NY's story before St. Patrick's Day? Where is the Magic Eight ball? This chapter is for all those poor families traveling with bubulahs who have learned the art of "pass the baby."_

* * *

Bones once told me that she could commit the perfect murder.

At the time, I was dating Hannah. I was full of bullshit and delusion, and one thing I knew: there was no way Temperance Brennan could get away with murder without me catching her.

Well, I've finally caught her. And, now that she's been my girl for almost three years, mother to our child for almost two, and my wife for almost three months, I know _otherwise_ – Temperance Brennan could absolutely get away with murder, if she hasn't done so already.

And my entire family would totally help her. Sweets, too.

And I think I'm fine with it.

Some big-time FBI guy I am.

I didn't see this coming at all. Today was like a mob hit – public setting, just enough chaos to distract my senses. All the players in the right place at the right time.

Didn't even see it coming at all. All the signs were there, in hindsight, but I'll admit it. My wife is a criminal mastermind. Thank God she uses her powers for good and not evil.

Not my fault though really, since we got married, she's been distracting me with a crazy amount of sex.

Crazy – meaning way more sex than we were usually having, which already was a lot. Even more sex than before Christine was born: Post-Honeymoon sex. Post-bachelorette party hangover sex. Caught the killer sex. Daisy's not interning sex. Got an extra olive in the salad sex. Sex because the day of the week ends in "day" sex.

At first, I thought it was because Bones wanted another baby, which we both do. I figured she was trying to up the odds, what with me "deteriorating rapidly" at my old age of 42.

**_NEVER_ **would I suggest that she too was in the risk window at 37 for a few reasons: number one – she's a genius scientist, she knows shit like that. Number two – I like my balls. I want to keep them.

But driving home from the FBI holiday party, we talked about it, and decided to wait until Christine was potty-trained, or "independently able to hygienically manage waste elimination."

We had sex in the car after she said that, too. All of her goofy pretentious jibber jabber really does it for me. Especially since it's so much fun to reduce my Dr. Smartypants to grunts, moans and single syllable words with just my thumb and two phalanges. Not sure if I said that right. Don't care either.

_Heh heh._

What it had really come down to was that our schedules had lightened up a bit. Bones had wrapped up edits on her latest novel and wouldn't be traveling until the spring. I didn't have any NF commitments until February.

And Pelant was dead. While the little fucker may have succeeded in planting a worry seed or two in her brain, she was mine. I was hers. Game over.

That little piece of shit had put a knot in our time together. And we were _definitel_y making up for lost time. I was jumping on top of Bones as much as she was jumping on top of me. We were like fucking teenagers, but with a clue of how to actually get it done. As always, she's right – we are very sexually compatible. Being with Bones is _beyond_ right. What we've gone through together, what we're still learning about each other. It's beautiful. And real.

And worth the wait.

As infuriating as we make each other sometimes, I wouldn't change a thing. She surprises and amazes me every day. Little things usually. Nothing like today.

Today is a doozy. In the best way possible.

You would think I would have been suspicious. I _know _Pops. My grandfather likes to "stay local" on Christmas Eve. "Stay at home, to Hell with gallivanting." He used to fuss. "_Stay your ass at home until Mass_." He would joke just to rattle Grams.

But he is just like me - Temperance Brennan Booth had Pops beguiled. So it never occurred to me to suspect anything when Pops was on board to getting on board a crowded-enough train on Christmas Eve for a 140 minute train ride into New York City, knowing that we wouldn't be making it home until six in the morning the next day.

An 86 year old curmudgeon "gallivanting" in New York City on Christmas Eve. And early Christmas morning. With a two year old. And an atheist.

I thought nothing of it.

_Idiot._

I can hear Caroline calling me a 'dummy' right now.

….Oh, and let's just keep the "Brennan Booth" to ourselves, okay? Bones would kill me.

But like I said, Bones does the little things every day to surprise me. So, _that _she agreed to join us at Midnight Mass was just one of those Bones-y things that I had come to appreciate. She loved me. She admired my faith and despite her personal beliefs, she wanted our daughter – our children – to be raised with God in their lives. "With knowledge, our children can draw their own conclusions as they mature. I won't let ignorance limit their intellectual and spiritual journey." She had reasoned.

Said differently, I knew that there were Science Saturday seminars in my future. Totally worth it.

I know that we have years of arguing about religion ahead of us. But Bones knows that while I may not understand her choices, I completely respect them. To me, she may not be religious, but she's definitely spiritual. She may not believe in the soul, but there's no denying her passion in pursuit of knowledge and truth. She's taught me lessons about religion, other cultures that she's studied, their rituals and credos. This knowledge feeds her. It helps her make sense of the world, the tangible things that she can organize in that beautiful mind of hers.

And then she has me for all the fuzzy stuff – love, faith, commitment, forgiveness and sacrifice. All those human motivations that may not be logical, but feel right. At times I do feel like her paladin, my mission being to guide and protect her through her own spiritual journey. And you know what? She is mine. Protecting, championing, challenging, loving me.

For all of the violence and death that timelines our history, there's something so pure, so completely untainted about the way Bones loves me. And how I love her. A simple look into her eyes cleanses me. Makes me whole. Reminds me to be the man she knows I can be.

Her amazing eyes.

The eyes of our child.

_Heh. _

It's four thirty in the morning and my sweet Baby Girl's eyes are wide, bright and on me.

_Merry Christmas, Baby Girl. _

I move to pick her up, or at least try to extricate her from Parker's arms before our chatty bird wakes him. But Bones is up and on the move even before I take my next breath.

I hadn't realized that she was awake, too. She was so still and silent in my arms, and almost immediately, I miss the heat and feel of her body against me. But my sniper-wife-in-training knows our little girl's habits better than Christine does. And she knows how to peel one kid away from the other with the least amount of disruption. I try not to think of the training that's gone into her deftness at separating bodies.

As Bones scoops up Christine in her arms, I get up to sit beside my son so that the girls can have some room to stretch out. Failing in my attempt to replace the warm cover that Bones had created, the pride of having my whole family together at Christmas served more than adequately as a substitute.

I kissed into Parker's hair. He smelled like, well a boy. My boy.

And England. My kid smells British.

He's growing up so fast. The time that I have left to hold him this close to me without any protest is rapidly fading away. Thank you jet lag! I'll cherish this moment, this Christmas forever.

I can feel the smile on my face as I think about the feel of someone tapping on my shoulder. Standing in the middle of a relatively festive Penn Station as we collected our bearings before we headed to dinner.

"Excuse me, Sir." The voice said. "I'm traveling with my child, here. But he insists that he'd like to spend the holidays with you."

The noise in the station had slowed my initial recognition of the nutbag's voice. But as I turned and caught a glimpse of my son's mother, and my son… what an incredible feeling. Pretty sure I haven't been so glad to see Rebecca since Parker was born. In that moment, I became one of those people you always see, but never know, with the over the top public displays of affection. I think I even hugged Jared, I was so happy. _Ha._

Bones and Rebecca had planned it all along. _These women_.

Could have been gangsters.

After dinner, Rebecca headed up north to spend the holidays with her parents. And Bones and I had our boy until Sunday.

Parker shifted into me. He was obviously not comfortable with our current positioning. Bones handed me a neck pillow, and I eased his head onto it on my seat so that he could stretch out. I returned back over to my girls.

_Sigh!_

"Dada. Choo-choo!" Christine began to squirm out of Bones' arms. I propped her up on my right side and put my left arm around Bones.

"Heh! Yes, Baby Girl! Shhhhhhhhh! Let's get some sleep, huh?"

God, there's nothing better than the sight of your precious baby with her sleepy head on her chest.

_Sigh!_

"That's not entirely accurate." Bones yawned." Choo choo trains are locomotives with a steam engine, whereas this high speed Acela train is…"

"Shhhhhhhhh! Yes, Baby Girl." I teased. I felt her body vibrate with a chuckle. I watched as she rubbed my left thigh.

"Parker's going to be exhausted today." She observed. Bones being Bones, telling her to be quiet was never gonna happen. So I bit…

"Mmmhm. With all the people in the house, we're gonna have to put him on the pull out couch."

"Oh no – "she whispered. "Sweets has prepared Parker's bedroom for his arrival. Sweets has relocated already."

_Of course. _

I kissed into her hair. "Bones, you've given me the best Christmas that I've ever had. This night has been incredible. You're amazing. I'm so lucky."

She hummed against my chest. "I'm well aware of how lucky you are, Booth. I love you."

I loved it when she was exhausted. She was too tired to argue with me about silly things like whether or not there is such a thing as 'luck'.

"Mama love." Christine whispered against my chest.

"Yes, Christine. Mama loves you too, Baby. Won't you go to sleep? You don't want Santa to catch you awake…"

_Heh! Dr. Temperance Brennan is in sleep negotiations, with a two year old. With Santa as leverage. I can die and go to Heaven now. _

"Danta Caus! Danta Caus! Danta!" she shrieked.

_I kinda knew that was gonna happen. Heh! _It was a good thing that there were just a handful of us in this car.

"Yes Baby Girl!" I whispered. "Santa's coming. Shhhhhh!"

"Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssh." BG countered.

_She's gonna be just like her Mama. God help us all._

"I've got her, Booth. Christine? Do you want me sing about Santa Claus?" She reached her arms out to take her back.

_Oooooof!_

Right on the nuts. It's amazing that however good a marksman that I am, that I cannot stand my daughter up in my lap without her stepping on Seeley Jr. and The Boys.

I guess she's the marksman.

_Marksbaby._

_Whoa!_ Bones just grabbed the goods. Well, patted them actually. Whatever. They're just as much hers as they are mine now.

_And now she's massaging me._

In front of our kids. Across from my grandfather.

_ Of course. _

"Behave!" I hissed at her gorgeous, grinning face. "Sing to our child!" I ordered, putting my arms around the both of them.

"Kiss me first." She commanded. So I obliged.

"Merry Christmas Booth."

"Merry Christmas Bones."

_Finally._ Whispered songs about Santa were settling down our little devil. Bones nuzzled her head into mine as her lovely voice serenaded Christine and the rest of the car.

I was seriously going to have to rethink my Christmas present strategy. I know that she doesn't care about _things_, but a spa day for her and Ange and a special invitation to participate in a Spring dig in the Philippines (compliments of Dr. Goodman) was nothing in comparison to what she had given me.

I'm going to have to call Max in on this one.

*CLICK. WHOOSH*

I look over at Padme. She's probably been up since the Santa Shriek. She gestures for me to look at my phone. She must have just sent me the picture that she just took of us.

And then some. Sent to all of us. Including Mom, Sweets, Caroline and Becks.

_Merry Christmas Everyone! Here's to what I hope is the start of many years of wonderful family traditions. Love, Padme. _

I clicked on the link. Last picture first. There was the one that she just shot of Bones, me and the kids. As I scroll through the shots, I learn another new thing about my sister in law: she is a closet paparazzo.

If Bones and Rebecca are the gangsters, Padme's the first photog on scene taking the gory shots.

Master criminals, all of them.

Wow. Photos of Christmas Eve: St. Patrick's Cathedral. Dinner at Kelley & Ping, All of us at the Penn Station. Ha! She even got the "gotcha" shot with my mouth wider than the state of Texas. And sure enough, I did hug Jared. Photos from the Union Station. In the house. Dinner with Caroline…

_Great!_ A picture of the baby monitor.

She _is_ perfect for Jared. I like her, too. Salt of the Earth.

My family. For two collectors of stuff, one thing that Bones and me really don't take a lot of time to do is to take pictures a lot. Which is a shame. We have such a beautiful family. And Pops needs more bragging material for the folks at his home. We'll he's got it now.

Bones is singing 'O Holy Night" to our child. Wish Padme had recorded _that. _Christine's almost out cold.

…Pictures from the holiday party. My lady looking amazing in navy blue. Hair swept to one side, but not up because I _may_ have been a little too bitey the night before. Don't know why she hid it, she told everyone about her sex contusion that night…

Great pictures from Jared and Padme's stay. And…one more.

A sonogram.

_Padme Booth. November 2013. Six weeks._

Wait…**_had _**she been drinking Pops' Hurricanes? He could have easily slipped her a fruit juice without anyone noticing. She wasn't drinking at the Jeffersonian holiday party, she was driving.

I'm going to be an uncle! A real blood uncle! I looked over at my beaming sister in law, she knew what photo I was on.

"Congratulations." I mouthed to her.

She nodded back at me. I sent her a quick text.

_God Bless you both! But for fun, Let's tell everyone that I'm the father LOL. I'm shocked that Jared hadn't said a thing. He's a blurter! _

….

Padme giggled as she read the text, and quickly returned.

_TY! He doesn't know yet. Read the caption. ;) _

The caption under the photo read – "**Let's see how long it takes before Daddy realizes he's a Daddy. #HenryJBooth2014**"

* * *

AN/2: RIP Ralph Waite. What a lovely set of characters he brought to life. I'll miss Pops


End file.
